If You Fall
by ThisLoveHasNoCeiling
Summary: When Remus tells Tonks he'll catch her if she falls, they both know he's not just talking about dancing. But when a distinct lack of constant vigilance leads to Tonks' capture by Death Eaters, will she fall before Remus can catch her?
1. Chapter 1: Nerves

_A/N: I will try (and fail) to keep this author's note quick, but all you really need to know is that this story is set over Friday, November 24th and Saturday, November 25th, 1995 (OotP)._

_The story is rated T for mild language and thematic violence in chapter 4. It's nothing graphic but it is existent, so you've been warned._

_Chapter 1 is dedicated to MoonyInAMask and StrawberryFields, who were kind enough to leave wonderful reviews on a one-shot I posted but who I could not private message to thank. So, if either of you are reading this, thank you so much for the reviews!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 1-Nerves<strong>

Nymphadora Tonks sat in the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place, the half light of the setting sun illuminating only small patches of the table in front of her. It was a cold November evening, almost December, really, and she had just gotten to Grimmauld after getting off work early. Now she was sitting while finishing a dinner of left-overs Molly Weasley had left from the previous night's meeting, letting herself relax after what had been another chaotic day in the Auror Department.

She knew Sirius was upstairs sulking somewhere yet couldn't bring herself to call for him; he'd been rather monosyllabic and unfriendly the past few times they'd interacted. He was lonely, that was all, and bitter, too, and he often turned to fire-whiskey during the long hours he spent cooped up in the house he hated with nobody but Buckbeak to keep him company. Once the kids had gone back to school and Molly and Arthur had moved back to the Burrow, no Order members other than she and Remus stopped by if they could help it, and he was still leaving for multi-day missions quite frequently.

Admiring the still silence of the room, which was a stark contrast to the mayhem she encountered daily at work, Tonks let her thoughts stray towards the very same man.

When she'd first met Remus Lupin he'd struck her as painfully ordinary, albeit subtly attractive, with light hair that fell into his gold-flecked brown eyes and a sweet if not slightly sad smile. She'd heard his nickname in conversation with Sirius when she'd been younger, but she had very few memories of Sirius from before she was 8 and she couldn't for the life of her remember anything about Remus that he'd told her.

She'd really met Remus when she'd stayed after her first Order meeting to have a drink with Sirius, having practically tackled him into a hug and apologizing for not believing he was innocent when they'd been reunited. Remus had stayed too, and when Tonks'd noticed faded scars on his handsome face she had been intrigued. He was a puzzle to her in the beginning, that was all...she wondered about his shabby appearance, prematurely greying hair, and inexplicably sad eyes.

It hadn't taken long for her to feel something for him. It was just curiosity at first, or that's what she'd told herself, but after a few weeks of knowing him she'd begun to enjoy his company. Seek it, even.

Then'd come the bombshell: he was a werewolf.

She'd been surprised, to say the least...at the Ministry she'd been endlessly lectured on the dangers of 'dark creatures' such as werewolves and had been taught to mistrust them, though Mad-Eye'd always said the Ministry was full of prejudice. But she'd gotten to know Remus beforehand, gotten to see the man he was, so when he'd told her, matter-of-factly, why he wouldn't be around during the full moon, she'd been stunned.

He was so kind, intelligent, and serene...she'd never, not in a million years, have guessed he was a werewolf. But after the initial shock had worn off, it'd made sense. His bittersweet smile, almost tortured eyes, and scars had always caused her to believe he'd suffered quite a lot, yet she'd never had the courage - or perhaps the gall - to ask. He _had_ always seemed quite reserved around her when they'd first met, and he _had_ seemed almost boyishly excited when they'd gotten to become friends, as if he couldn't believe she'd _want_ to be his friend. So when she'd realized that he must've faced a lifetime of rejection by almost everyone he'd met, it'd made sense to her.

It had been a tense moment, when he'd first told her. She'd been too stunned to do anything but stare at him for a few moments, and he'd started to look uncomfortable, ashamed. He'd quietly told her he understood if she didn't want to be around him any longer. It was his disappointed yet polite smile as he'd turned to go that had jarred her from her state of shock.

She'd blurted out a lot of things just then; that she would never have guessed, that was why she was surprised; that she wanted to be his friend, that his lycanthropy didn't change that; that she suddenly understood the scars and his recent drab appearance. And he'd turned slowly around, looking at her critically, as if wondering if he should let himself believe her, and when he'd seen her shy yet genuine smile, he'd seemed to have accepted that she meant what she said.

Since then they'd grown to be close friends, and they often spent the evenings together at Grimmauld Place with Sirius. Sirius made snide remarks about Tonks 'stealing' his best mate, or Remus 'taking away' his favorite cousin quite frequently, but he never really seemed to resent their friendship. Lately, however, Tonks had begun to have trouble keeping it cool around Remus.

As her feelings for him had blossomed into the more-than-friends type, she'd been shocked at first. It was not that he was older than her; he was, but she didn't mind. Her own dad was years older than her mum, and she'd always been attracted to older guys, especially when the ones her age just thought she was cool because she could make herself look however they pleased. It was not that he was poor, for she didn't care about money and made quite enough as an Auror as it was; besides, Remus was rich in things more important than money. It was not that he was a werewolf, either; she did not judge him for something beyond his control. If anything, she was more drawn to him because of it; the fact that he'd faced so much rejection, pain, and hardship in his life yet remained as gentle as he was spoke immensely of his character.

No, she was not surprised that she liked him because of those things.

Tonks found herself surprised to like Remus because he was so _not_ her type. Not that she really thought she had a type, not anymore. But throughout school and the past years in Auror training - and now in the Auror office - she'd always gone for the Siriuses of the world. The dark, handsome, dangerous types. The smoking, motorcycle riding, tattooed, rock-n-roll types. The guys who'd call her 'babe' and take her to clubs and hold her close in front of their friends.

Never before had she found herself drawn to the bookish, inverted, gentle kinds of men. And yet, as she thought of Remus, it seemed silly that she hadn't been drawn to someone like him before.

It never worked with the motorcycle guys - they always had expectations of her, you see. And Tonks, despite her bubbly, outgoing exterior, was really a romantic at heart. She'd always said she'd love the guy who was her first, said she'd wait for the right person. And she hadn't found him. And now, as a 22-year-old, she felt foolish for being so naïve.

She used to tell herself she'd only kiss a guy if she felt something for him, but in the end her insecurities had overwhelmed her and she'd kissed many guys just to feel wanted. They always chose her, she knew, because of her abilities, not because of her personality. And though she'd never admit it, it bothered her more than she could explain.

But then Remus had come along. Remus, who listened to every word she said and made her feel like she was important. Remus, who, to her secret pleasure, refused to call her Tonks despite her pleas. Remus, who smiled softly at her when she had a bad day, who helped her up when she tripped over that damned umbrella stand. Remus, who made her feel worth while.

And now that she had realized just how strongly she felt about him, she had a hard time figuring out how to act around him. At first it had been a pleasant butterflies-in-the-stomach type of feeling, but now she was a downright nervous wreck around him half the time. And yet he'd still manage to put her at ease when they were together, yet sometimes she felt so unsure of herself in his presence that she had a hard time focussing on much of anything.

That was why she was nervous as she waited, chewing her fingernails in the mostly dark kitchen. She glanced at her watch; it was 5:57. Remus would be getting there at 6:30, he'd said, and then they were off on a mission together.

It was not the first time they'd been assigned as partners for a mission, yet she was more nervous this time than the times before because she was so painfully aware of her feelings for him - feelings which he only sometimes seemed to return.

It was hard to say, with Remus. He was as transparent as a brick wall 99% of the time, and on the rare occasion that he seemed to let his guard down she saw conflict in his eyes. He could be almost flirty towards her at times, but he was also a very polite and friendly person, so she could never be sure if he was just being kind. Sometimes she swore she saw something in his eyes, a kind of fire, but sometimes she couldn't see past his carefully built up walls and only felt like an insignificant child to -

"Tonks! Stop chewing your fingernails or I'll have to tell your mother!" Sirius Black barked from the door to the kitchen.

Tonks jumped about a meter when he caught her off her guard before muttering, "Oh, shove off."

"Distracted, are we?" He asked with a very obviously fake-innocent smile.

Tonks didn't answer but instead surveyed her cousin, briefly taking in his stubble-coated face, tired eyes, and unruly hair. He looked awful yet he was smiling at her, which was rare and most definitely a good sign.

Sirius stared at her, obviously waiting for an answer, but Tonks just shrugged.

"Oh come on, Nymphie, what were you thinking about?" He pressed.

"Nothing." She answered too quickly. "And don't call me that!"

"Nice try, _Nymphie_." He teased, taking the seat across from her and turning on the lights with a flick of his wand. "But I know you weren't thinking about 'nothing'."

Tonks sighed, knowing she would lose to him in the end. She always did. "Just nervous about tonight." She admitted.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Why? You're an Auror, for crying out loud, and these missions never go anywhere."

Tonks shrugged noncommittally, refusing to admit the true source of her nerves to her cousin. "I know, but what if this time we're right?"

She'd been sent to many pubs and bars over the past few months, each of which some shady and typically unreliable source had claimed was a meeting place for Death Eaters. That's all her mission tonight was; she and Remus were to go to a bar that was suspected as being a hide-out for Death Eaters to make sure no meeting was going on. They'd received a tip that there'd be a gathering at 1:00 that night, but, if Tonks was being honest, she doubted there would be. There never was, it seemed.

"Is there more?" Sirius coaxed, studying his cousin's face with an appraising eye. "This wouldn't have anything to do with your partner for this mission, would it?"

Tonks felt herself blush and instinctively looked away, only too late realizing that Sirius would interpret her behavior correctly. "No, it's nothing." She said weakly.

The look on Sirius' face told her he saw straight through her. "That's what I thought. Still haven't found the courage to tell Remus how you feel?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Tonks lied.

"You're smitten with him! _Smitten_!" Her cousin responded triumphantly.

"Shut up, Sirius." Tonks muttered.

"So you don't deny it?"

"I never said that."

"Never mind, you don't need to. It's bloody obvious." He informed her.

"Is it?" Tonks asked worriedly.

"Yes." He said simply, smirking at her. When he noticed her expression, however, his brow furrowed. "Why do you look so miserable?"

Tonks sighed, knowing it was too late to turn back. She was aware that as his best mate, Sirius might tell Remus everything she told him, but she also had nobody else to tell and she didn't feel like trying to hide her feelings from Sirius anymore.

"It's just, I don't think Remus...I don't think he, well..." She muttered, feeling her face growing very red.

"You don't think he likes you?" Her cousin asked with a semi-incredulous voice. Tonks blushed some more, looking at her hands and feeling quite pathetic.

To her chagrin, however, Sirius let out a loud, bark-like laugh.

"Hey!" She protested, looking up at him. "Stop laughing! It's not funny! I really, really like him, Sirius, and he barely knows I exist! He probably thinks I'm just some annoying, clumsy, weird-looking kid!" She gushed, feeling slightly stupid but very relieved to get it off of her chest.

Sirius looked surprisingly gently at his cousin. "Of course he doesn't! He admires you, Tonks, we all do. You're the bubbly presence we all need in this war, and you're not weird looking, unless you're entertaining the kids. Clumsy, I'll give you that, but you're also an Auror! Besides, age is irrelevant, and of course he knows you exist! The two of you flirt endlessly. It's revolting."

"_I _flirt with _him, _you mean." Tonks muttered, unable to keep the bitterness from her voice.

"No, you flirt with each other. He's crazy about you, Tonks."

"Is he?" She asked hopefully, ripping her gaze from the table to meet her cousins' eye.

"Of course he is!"

Tonks wanted to smile but instead found herself frowning. "Then why hasn't he done anything about it?"

"He's too much of a gentleman, Tonks." Sirius said, as if explaining simple maths to her. "I thought you'd know that by now."

Tonks shrugged, still not convinced. "But you'd think...I mean, if he really liked me, wouldn't he have done something by now? I'm not exactly subtle."

Sirius chuckled. "You're not, but he's oblivious. He never thinks anyone likes him, that's just what he's used to. He doesn't think anyone could think of him in that way because of his furry little problem."

Tonks looked up sharply. "But - he's - I mean - !" She spluttered, baffled by the thought of Remus Lupin being insecure. He wasn't arrogant, no, but he always had a calm, commanding presence, one that radiated confidence. Academically, at least.

Sirius read her babble correctly and laughed. "I know that, you know that, and he doesn't! You've got to be bold with him, Tonks."

"But what if - what if he says no?" She asked her cousin, surprised at his suggestion. She'd never have imagined that _she'd _have to be the one to ask a man out, and yet she also never imagined falling for a werewolf.

"He won't." Sirius told her confidently.

Tonks bit her lip. "How can you be so sure? Did he tell you something?"

"No, he didn't." Sirius admitted, before quickly adding, "But he wouldn't. He'd never admit that he fancied someone, even at school."

Tonks tried to let her cousin's words sink in but was having a hard time believing them. Why would he fancy her, anyway? He was much more mature than her, much more capable. She really _was_ just a kid compared to him, and she was sure he just saw her as a school girl with a crush. The thought was almost anguishing and she found herself biting her nails again, a nervous habit she hadn't reverted to in years.

This did not go unnoticed by Sirius, who added, "Look, I've known the guy since I was 11! To the well trained eye Remus Lupin is not as stoic as he seems. It's...it's in the way he looks at you when he thinks nobody's watching. The way he hangs on your every word, the way that he's worried when you're on a mission. It's obvious to me, Tonks - the man's smitten."

Tonks didn't want to give herself false hope, so she said, "Even if you're right, I still wish he'd do something..."

Sirius only shrugged. "Just be forward with him. You don't have to ask him out, but make it clear you're interested and maybe he'll take the first step."

Tonks nodded, feeling that her cousin was, for once, right. She was no Gryffindor, but she could still be bold enough to show him she cared about him. At least then she might not feel so helpless towards him.

"Since when have you given good advice?" She teased, turning to face Sirius.

"I think you're forgetting that in my time I dated at least ⅔ of the girls at school." He responded smugly.

She rolled her eyes. "You're insufferable."

"But you love me!" He countered, grinning widely.

Tonks sighed, smiling as well. "Yes, I do, you rotten man!"

Sirius ruffled her purple bob affectionately, glad she'd stopped fretting about Remus. They were both still laughing when they heard footsteps in the hall.

Tonks looked up just in time to see the slightly wan and tired face of Remus Lupin appear in the doorway. Straightening up upon seeing him, she felt the tips of her hair starting to fade bubblegum pink, as they always did when he was around, but she quickly focussed on keeping her hair purple. Sirius, beside her, straightened up as well.

"Wotcher, Remus." Tonks said in what she hoped was a light and cheerful voice. He smiled at her, brown eyes sparkling slightly - or maybe it was just the light.

"Hello, Nymphadora. Sirius." He said politely, entering the kitchen and putting his cloak over a chair.

Tonks scowled, but before she could tell him to call her Tonks Sirius had stood up abruptly and plucked the _Daily Prophet _out of Lupin's hands. He was always eager for news, even though that particular newspaper was far more wrong than right these days.

"Here early, I see." Lupin said, looking back at Tonks.

"Yeah, Kingsley let me go at five." She responded, meeting his gaze a bit apprehensively.

He smiled, checking his watch and glancing at Sirius, who was already muttering under his breath about something in the paper trashing Harry, no doubt. "Well, we could always leave early, if you're ready."

Tonks nodded, feeling her stomach clenching even though she told herself to be calm. _He likes you_, she thought to herself. It didn't help.

Suddenly, Sirius looked up at Tonks with a very disconcerting gleam in his eyes. It was a look that spelled trouble, and she was already cringing inwardly by the time he said, "Morph into a really hot bird, will you? Then at least Moony here'll have something to enjoy all night."

Tonks looked at her cousin, horrified. She could feel her face and hair turning bright red, from anger or embarrassment she wasn't sure. She snatched the newspaper from his hands and whacked him on the head with it, desperately avoiding Lupin's eyes as she shrieked, "Sirius!"

"What?" He asked mock-innocently, grinning up at her with an all too knowing smile. "You'll have to morph to protect your identity, might as well go big."

Tonks glared at him, unfortunately recognizing the truth in his words. She would have to disguise herself, and the more attractive and distracting she seemed to others, the less likely she'd be to be suspected as an Auror. They were headed to a posh place as it was, and she'd never blend in looking like herself even if she didn't have to protect her identity.

"I guess you're right." Tonks grumbled, dropping the newspaper back in front of her cousin and still avoiding the eyes of the werewolf in the room. "I'll just go change."

And with that she stood and left the kitchen, which had felt all too warm since Remus had arrived anyway. She climbed the stairs, wondering what she had to wear, and entered her make-shift room at Grimmauld. Considering how far out to go, she decided to settle for the classic good-looking woman she'd never been.

Standing in front of the mirror Tonks screwed her face up for a few moments then opened her eyes to see how she'd done. Looking back at her was a woman who appeared to be closer to 30 than 23. Tonks' dark brown, twinkling eyes had been replaced with slightly sleeker, silver-blue ones. A slightly upturned nose and large, pink lips made her look much more attractive, and her now tan skin and shimmery golden blonde hair gave her a sophisticated look that she'd never pull of with her own appearance.

She sighed slightly, wondering whether Remus would turn into another man impressed by her abilities, not her personality. She'd always said she liked how she looked naturally, but it wasn't entirely true. She liked her eyes and nose, but her lips were too thin, face too pale, hair too mousy. The only thing she changed normally was her hair and occasionally her eye color, and now as she stood, looking nothing like herself, she wondered if Remus would like her better as someone else.

She shook her head and hurried to the closet, feeling foolish. It didn't matter whether he thought she was beautiful or not. There was a mission to be done, and she had to remain objective.

Tonks pulled on a pair of dark, tight denims and transfigured them to fit her longer legs. She put on a strappy and form-fitting black top and transfigured it to fit her much more filled-out figure. She grabbed a pair of heels she'd never wear normally and put on makeup quickly with some spells her mum had taught her back in fifth year. Then she looked in the mirror. Sirius would be pleased, she knew that much. She was a knock-out, she was sure, yet she found no pleasure in being one. Not tonight. The woman looking back at her wasn't who she really was.

Tonks walked carefully back into the kitchen in Grimmauld, just as she heard Sirius saying, "Honestly, mate, you're being thick about this whole thing."

Wanting to know what they were talking about yet knowing she shouldn't eavesdrop, Tonks felt conflicted. She tripped over the last step into the kitchen, however, and her presence was made known without her having to decide.

"Bugger!" She swore, regaining her balance after tumbling into the room. Once she'd straightened up and brushed off her outfit, she looked up and was met with two pairs of wide eyes.

Sirius was the first to recover. "Damn, Tonks." He said, letting out a low whistle.

Tonks scowled at him, feeling her face flush as she muttered, "Not a word."

She glanced over at Lupin, but his momentary break in stoicism was over and his gaze was completely unreadable.

"Ready?" She asked him, feeling illogically nervous once more.

"Yes." He said simply, standing and putting on his cloak. Tonks noticed, with a slight pang, that he'd magically fixed his clothes to look newer, more elegant. The bar they were headed to was not a relaxed place but rather a nice one.

"Wait!" Tonks said then, remembering what Mad-Eye'd told her. "Don't you have to take Polyjuice or something?"

Remus smiled almost imperceptibly. "No. I'll be using an appearance-altering charm."

With that he took his wand from his belt and waved it wordlessly, preforming six or seven spells. With wide eyes Tonks watched as Lupin's hair grew curlier and lighter, settling on a golden-blonde to match her own. His slightly-visible beard vanished, replaced by a clean shaven and more square jaw. His cheek-bones became more pronounced, his eyebrows straighter. His nose became almost haughty, like Sirius', and his scars vanished.

The man in front of her didn't look at all like Remus on first glance, but when she peered at him closely enough she could still see it was him. His eyes were the exact same shape and color, his small smile remained unchanged, and he still had his own height and build, which could not be as easily altered without potions.

Tonks felt only slightly comforted by this, however; it was strange to see Remus looking so - handsome? She wasn't sure. He was certainly more classically good-looking now, but there was something about the way he was before...the slightly grey hair, the slightly worn face, the scars...she liked him better before, even though the less weary, handsomer Remus would attract the normal girl. Then again, she was far from normal.

He flushed slightly as she stared at him, looking self-conscious. "Enough change?" He asked.

She nodded, and Sirius apparently looked up, because then he laughed. "You two look the part. A stereotypical blonde, aristocratic couple, all right."

Tonks flushed as she turned to look at her cousin, though she wasn't sure what she'd expected they'd be posing as. She knew all along that'd be their cover, yet she felt even more nervous as she realized what that'd entitle. Would he hold her hand? Dance with her? She felt her nerves all but explode at the thought.

_Get a grip, _she begged herself desperately.

Lupin nodded at her cousin, seeming completely unaffected by his words, before looking back at Tonks and smiling slightly. "Ready?"

"Yes." She said much more confidently than she felt, grabbing her robes and throwing them on before turning towards the stairs.

"Be safe!" She heard Sirius yell as they walked out of the kitchen and towards the front door. Tonks blanched at his obvious innuendo, but Lupin either didn't notice or didn't care, as he ignored it.

As they made it through the door and re-warded it, Tonks and Lupin didn't say anything to one another, and Tonks began to feel even more anxious. What if they were this awkward the entire night?

Her anxiety seemed to show, however, because Lupin looked at her with concern. "All right, Nymphadora?" He asked gently.

"Don't call me Nymphadora." She responded without thinking. Realizing what she'd said a second too late, Tonks blushed and looked at him a bit shyly. "Sorry, it's reflex."

He chuckled, looking into her eyes for a brief moment before checking around them for muggles. "It's all right." He said, walking towards a nearby ally to apparate. "You just seem nervous."

"I'm fine." She responded a bit quickly, a bit harshly. She took a deep breath to steady her voice before saying, "Really, Remus, it's nothing."

He looked unconvinced but let the matter drop, knowing she didn't want to talk about it. They reached the ally and he turned to her. "We should probably come up with our identities now, rather than if we're asked. To keep our story consistent."

"Er - right." Tonks said, only half focused on his words. The other half of her mind was reeling at his sudden proximity.

"You're Iris and I'm Mark, and we're on a date at the lounge...it's our third date. First went well, second was a disaster, and this is my last chance to prove to you I'm worth your time. Sound okay?"

"Sure, Mark." Tonks said with a wink, forcing herself to act confidently despite the ever-growing bundle of nerves in her stomach.

"Ready, Iris?" He responded with a cheeky smile.

Tonks wanted to giggle at his smile - it was completely and utterly adorable - and Tonks did _not _giggle. Giggling was for pathetic, lovesick little girls. And she was not one of them. Nope. No way. Not even a bit.

Tonks shook her head for what felt like the millionth time and forced herself to nod and take the arm he offered her, determined to act normally. With the familiar squeezing feeling and a crack, they vanished into the night.

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><p><em>AN: So, how was it? Too wordy? Too long?_

_I realize not much happens in the first chapter, but I wanted to introduce things and include Sirius, if only for a bit. Things liven up next chapter, I promise, with lots of Remus/Tonks action!_

_I really, really appreciate reviews and feedback, good, bad, and otherwise! As previous reviewers know, I tend to not only send overly-grateful response messages to reviews but also read and review something all my reviewers have written!_

_Thanks again for reading, chapter 2 is in the works!_


	2. Chapter 2: Not Causing a Scene

_A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who read/reviewed chapter 1! Your support helps encourage me and means more than I can say._

_Chapter 2 is dedicated to Natalie2701, StrawberryFields, and Fanfiction fan, all of whom left lovely reviews on chapter 1 but who I could not send a personal message to thank to. Thank you all so much for the reviews!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 2-Not Causing a Scene<strong>

When she landed, Nymphadora Tonks felt Remus Lupin keep a firm grip on her arm to steady her as she swayed dangerously. Not wanting him to notice the violent blush in her cheeks as he did so, she looked away from him in favor of the alleyway they were standing in. It was dark and deserted and while it _was _an alleyway, it was clear they were in a nice part of town.

"Ready?" Lupin asked her in his most gentle voice.

Tonks turned to look at him and saw concern in his eyes. She felt ashamed of herself - there he was worrying about her when they had a job to complete. She swallowed and straightened up, determined not to let her feelings for him compromise their mission.

"Ready." She said, surprised by how sure she sounded.

He nodded and began to walk towards the street light at one end of the alley. It was only then that Tonks realized he hadn't released the grip he had on her arm, and she felt her hair threaten to go pink. Forcing herself to focus on keeping it blonde, she took a deep breath and fell into stride next to Lupin.

"The place is just up here." He said, glancing down at her between looking around the buildings surrounding them.

Tonks nodded, not trusting herself to say something intelligent as he was so close and her mind was so fuzzy. The cool night air made her suppress a shiver so she leaned into his arm a bit, where his body heat kept her warm.

"After you." He said when they reached the building. Tonks smiled at his manners and entered the club, stifling the urge to pout as he let go of her arm.

Once free from his touch she felt her mind clear a bit and suddenly adrenaline was rushing through her veins. She became quite aware of the dangers possible in the mission, and she felt her muscles tense as she surveyed the room and found...

Nothing.

There was nobody who looked suspicious, or dark, or even slightly shady.

_They could be disguised just like you_, she told herself.

Lupin followed her in and stood behind her as she waited for the waitress to seat them, though many couples were at the bar or on the dance floor already. Tonks shivered as he leaned over her shoulder to whisper in her ear, "Try to get us seated in a corner."

She could only nod, as his breath on her cheek sent thrills through her. The waitress got to them with an apologetic smile and Tonks wondered why she seemed so flustered; people were usually wary around her, not trying to impress. It took a once-over from a man near the bar for Tonks to remember she didn't look like herself, but rather a very attractive and sophisticated woman.

Once seated in a corner where they could see the entire place, Tonks sighed and reluctantly removed her robes to reveal the shirt she'd chosen, wishing she hadn't listened to Sirius as she felt suddenly very self-conscious.

For a few moments, Tonks and Lupin sat in comfortable silence as they drank in their surroundings. There was loud music playing and a bar which people were circulating. Some couples were dancing, though it was still quite early, and there were quite a few single people mingling around. Tonks looked at every face in the crowd and saw nobody she recognized as a Death Eater or suspected Death Eater, but she couldn't be certain.

"See anyone?" She asked Lupin after a few minutes.

"Nobody. You?" He sounded slightly hopeful but not expectant.

"Nobody."

"Not surprising, I suppose."

"I know. It seems these missions never go anywhere." She agreed, looking over at him.

"Yes, but it's important that we keep trying." He responded automatically. He finally seemed to feel her eyes on his face and broke his gaze from the rest of the room to meet hers. "How was your day?"

Tonks was a bit taken a back but smiled. "Boring. Scrimgeour keeps me doing as much paperwork as possible; I swear he suspects something."

Lupin frowned slightly. "Yes, Kingsley's been saying the same thing."

Tonks just shrugged, wondering why all of a sudden they were unable to keep up their usual banter. Normally, at Grimmauld place or whenever they found themselves together, they were friendly, chatty, comfortable. For some reason, that comfort seemed to have gone. Tonks frowned at the thought - were her feelings for Remus really making her unable to act normally around him, or was he acting differently too?

"How was your day?" Tonks finally asked, breaking the silence that had once again fallen.

Now it was Lupin's turn to seem surprised, and Tonks found it adorable how taken aback he was at being asked about his day. "It was ordinary. Spent the morning following a suspected Death Eater, but nothing came of it. Spent the afternoon meeting with possible recruits."

Tonks perked up at the idea of new Order members. "Anyone good?"

"One woman I'm sure Sirius would love, but no, not really. Nobody serious enough for me to divulge information to." Lupin answered truthfully.

"A woman Sirius would love?" Tonks asked, feeling very confused.

"Yes." Lupin responded simply. "Single, good looking."

Tonks was surprised by his bluntness, but still exclaimed, "She should join!"

"So you won't be the rookie?" He asked her wryly.

"No," Tonks said, indignation rising though she knew he was kidding, "So Sirius'll be fun again!"

Lupin smiled at her distractedly but said in a more solemn voice, "I think it'll take more than a little flirting for Sirius to be fun again."

"I wouldn't be so sure!" Tonks countered with a grin. "That kind of thing can be good for people, help them lighten up, be happier, you know..."

"Can it?" He asked in a soft and infinitely more somber tone. Tonks' eyes snapped to his, and though neither said anything, the atmosphere had changed and they were both aware of the sudden depth of their conversation.

"Yes." Tonks said clearly and without hesitation.

He looked unconvinced. "Even in a war?"

"Especially in a war." She responded just as steadily. "That kind of thing matters more now than ever."

Though she felt vulnerable saying those things, Tonks found herself not caring too much - his soft smile and contemplative look told her more than words could have. She inwardly marveled at her own ability to stay so calm while a part of her was cheering. He'd asked about dating, hadn't he? Whether _she _thought it was a good idea - that had to mean something, didn't it?

A large silence fell that was less comfortable than the one before. It was as if each knew some sort of line had been crossed, but neither knew what to do once it had been. After a few unbearable minutes Tonks glanced back up at Lupin from under her lashes. He was staring at the table in front of him, looking conflicted.

Deciding not to ask, knowing he'd pass it off as nothing, she took a deep breath and in her most confident voice asked, "Want a drink?"

Lupin looked sharply up at her, eyebrows raised, but seemed to decide not to take her seriously. "Not planning on drinking on the job, are you?"

His playful side was back out. Tonks could have sighed in relief, but she instead rolled her eyes at him, saying, "We'll look weird without them, _Mark_."

"Alright, Iris, _darling._" He responded, voice possessing the slightest sarcastic edge.

Tonks huffed at him but instead of arguing, like she half wanted to, she headed across the room for the bar. As she walked she felt very uncomfortable with so many eyes on her and regretted leaving her robes at the table. Men were giving her once-over after once-over, causing her to feel violated, and even women were staring, or rather glaring.

Tonks reminded herself that it wasn't her they were looking at - it was the leggy blonde she was pretending to be. She ordered two butter beers from the bartender and waited as he summoned the drinks and began to get change for the money she'd given him. As she was waiting she felt someone walk up beside her and stand close. Very close. Too close, in her opinion.

She turned, ready to step away, when she found herself startled by the predatory gleam in the dark eyes of the man who'd approached her.

"What's a fine lady like yourself doing here all alone on a Friday night?" He asked in a silky voice that made Tonks' skin crawl.

"I'm not alone, I'm just getting a drink." Tonks said as calmly and confidently as possible.

He let out what she thought was supposed to be light laughter while saying, "Uh-huh." Then he leaned closer to her. "Let me buy you a drink."

"No. I'm not alone, I told you..." Tonks repeated, glancing up and accepting the change the bartender offered her.

"Whatever you say, gorgeous. Get me a fire-whiskey, would you, and one for the lady." The man commanded the bartender.

"None for me, please." Tonks said politely, trying to leave the bar.

The man stopped her with a firm grip on her arm. "Stop playing hard to get, doll face."

Ordinarily Tonks would punch this guy in the face - or hex him, depending on whether she had the energy and restraint to reach for her wand. She'd usually throw a rude hand gesture or insult him or be anything but polite. She was, however, supposed to be Iris, not Tonks. And Iris could not cause a scene.

"Leave me alone." She said, trying to sound icy and dangerous.

The man saw she meant business, but instead of seeming put out, he just grinned at her arrogantly. "You'll change your mind." He promised, before letting go of her arm.

Tonks scowled as she hurried back to the table where Lupin was sitting. Once she'd put the drinks down, she pulled her robes back on, not caring about the disguise at the moment.

When she'd wrapped herself up in them and looked back up, Lupin was eyeing her with concern. "What'd he want?"

"He wanted to buy _me _a drink." She responded, taking a swig of her butter beer and feeling it warming her insides almost as much as Lupin's touch had earlier.

His brow furrowed immediately. "Why do you say it like that?"

"Say what like that?" She asked, confused.

"_Me_?"

"Well, it's not me he wants to buy a drink, it's Iris." Tonks responded with a shrug.

Instead of saying anything, he just nodded at her, studying her with that _look _of his which always made her feel see-through. Feeling uncomfortable with his gaze, as if he was able to see her very thoughts, Tonks decided to change the subject.

"So," she said, grinning at him once more, "tell me about the infamous Marauders."

~ o0o ~

Hours and many embarrassing stories later, Tonks was still laughing at the things Sirius, James, and Remus had gotten up to in their youth. He'd just been telling her about one of their April Fool's Day jokes, and Tonks had lost track of why they were where they were, feeling a lot more comfortable than she had when they'd first arrived.

Somehow, through his wit and stories and humor, he'd put her at ease. He always managed to, it seemed, and now she was there, laughing at his jokes, enjoying his company, and she realized that when she was with him the future seemed a lot less daunting.

They chatted about her childhood, his; her job, his teaching; their favorite music - anything and everything. Time passed quickly and before Tonks knew it it was getting late and more and more people were dancing. She glanced at the dance floor but still saw nobody - no Death Eaters or suspicious activity.

When she looked back at the table, Lupin was giving her a _look_. Not his usual I-can-see-every-wrong-thing-you've-done-and-any-embarrassing-thought-you've-ever-had-just-by-looking-at-you look, but a new look. One he'd never used on her before.

It was not one of any common emotion, not even the look she'd come to identify as longing, the one Sirius had been talking about when he'd said Lupin fancied her. No, it was not that look. It was a calculating, almost confused look.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" Tonks blurted out, blushing a bit as she said the words so bluntly.

To her shock, Lupin's face visibly flushed, even in the semi-darkness of the club. "Sorry." He said quickly, looking down. "It's just...weird to see you like this."

Tonks looked at him, confused. "Like what?"

"Like this - not like normal." He said, gesturing to her vaguely. Tonks suddenly understood he was talking about her appearance.

She shrugged - she was used to looking different, as a metamorphmagus and all. "I'm a lot more gorgeous this way, relish it!"

Tonks laughed at her own joke, only to feel incredibly awkward when Lupin didn't.

Instead, he frowned slightly. "You're very beautiful normally. This is just...wrong. Stereotypical beautiful, ordinary beautiful. Your beauty is that you're not ordinary. Your beauty is in your color, your life."

He said it in such a matter-of-fact tone that Tonks wouldn't have ever guessed he was complimenting her, and it took her by complete surprise. She was suddenly glad she didn't have a drink, or she'd probably have choked.

After the shock had subsided and the words had finally registered she asked, "I - you think I'm beautiful?"

She was flustered and bewildered, but as she said the words she felt herself give a goofy grin that she couldn't suppress, letting his confession wash over her and fill her with warmth once more.

Lupin looked up, smiling absurdly shyly at her, looking very un-Remus-like in his lack of cool, calm, collectedness. "How could I not?" He asked very, very quietly.

Tonks had to fight not to gape at him. "It's just..." She felt her cheeks redden a bit and couldn't look at him as she said, "Nobody's ever said that before. I mean, people say I'm beautiful when I morph to be, but me naturally..." Her voice trailed off as she searched for words she couldn't find.

Tonks looked back at him quickly to find him staring at her with a slightly bashful yet determined gaze. "You're more beautiful naturally than you are morphed." He said simply.

At this Tonks felt her face heat up and dropped her gaze again, unable to look at him. It was too much, as wonderful as it was to hear - she didn't know how to handle this side of Lupin, this side of herself, this vulnerability, this honesty. So she did what she did best: she joked about it.

"How do you know I've shown you what I really look like? Maybe I look horrid naturally." She said in a forcedly light way.

Lupin, however, refused to take the bait. "I've seen you sleeping, remember? The day of Harry's trial, once he'd left, you passed out on the couch. Sirius said you can't hold a morph while sleeping and he's right, which means that you don't actually change your appearance normally, except your hair color. But in some ways that is more honest to who you are, because unless you focus on it you hair changes by emotion, which-"

"Okay, okay, yes, you've seen me normally!" Tonks groaned, simultaneously hating and loving the fact that he was forcing her to digest his words. She felt, however, that since he'd been so honest with her, it was her turn to be honest in return. "It's just, no man has ever told me he likes the way I look naturally."

Tonks realized the second after she'd said it just how vulnerable that statement made her. Not only did it expose her insecurities - which were completely valid - but it also insinuated an interest in him. Or it seemed to, by her estimation.

Lupin, however, just looked incredulous. "Nobody?"

"Not other than my family..." Tonks admitted, once more unable to hold his gaze and instead focussing on her fingernails, which she was very tempted to chew nervously.

Lupin seemed to have other ideas, however, because he looked at her until she met his eyes. When she did, he told her in a very serious voice, "I think you're beautiful, Nymphadora. Without morphing."

Tonks looked at him and felt her face heat up as a series of emotions swamped her. She felt awkward at her lack of knowledge on what to say back, grateful to him for being kind, slightly incredulous that he was saying that, afraid she was dreaming, giddy that he thought she was beautiful, touched that he meant it...nobody had ever told her that before. Nobody had bothered.

She could make herself beautiful, yes, but all she really wanted was for someone to think she was beautiful naturally. And Lupin, apparently, did.

She felt her eyes threaten to fill with tears and was stunned - Nymphadora Tonks did_ not _tear up. Yet something about Lupin's honesty, his earnestness...she felt truly beautiful when he looked at her the way he was looking at her.

But it was once again too much for her, so she stood up and, with a shaky smile, excused herself to use the restroom.

"If you're not back in five minutes I'm sending a search party." Lupin informed her, seeming to understand that she wanted to go back to their light, superficial conversation.

Tonks nodded, grateful, and weaved through the dancers towards the restroom, trying to collect her thoughts. As she walked by the bar, however, a hand grabbed her arm.

"Oh, look who it is!" A silky and altogether too familiar voice drawled. "Little Ms. Hard-To-Get, coming back for more."

Tonks turned with a shudder to find, sure enough, the haughty and insufferable man who'd tried to buy her a drink earlier smiling at her in a very disconcerting way.

"Don't flatter yourself." She spat, trying hard to think of a good way out of there.

"Whatever you say, babe." He said with a wink, leaning into her. She could smell the fire-whiskey on his breath and knew he'd be even more aggressive now that he'd had a few drinks.

"Don't call me that." She snapped, taking a deep breath. _Don't hex him, don't hex him, don't hex him, _she reminded herself. That would only cause a scene, and she needed to be discreet. To blend in.

"Okay, babe." He said with an arrogant grin.

Tonks once again took a steadying breath and then shook her arm from his grip and turned to head back to her table and to Remus. The lady's room could wait.

To her alarm, however, the man grabbed her arm again. "Let me buy you a drink."

The words didn't surprise her, but things had changed. His voice was much more demanding now. A growl. A command. He was not asking, and she could feel his nails digging into her arm even through her robes.

"No." She responded as firmly and calmly as possible.

He ignored her and steered her forcefully towards the bar.

"Let go of me." She spat, struggling to remove her arm from his grip without causing a scene.

"No, I don't think I will." He responded, voice cool and resolute.

"Let go of me." Tonks repeated, trying desperately to hide the fear and desperation in her voice.

She glanced over her shoulder but couldn't see Remus - he was hidden by the mass of people in the bar. She felt her stomach clench; he couldn't help her if he didn't know she needed it. And even though he said he'd come after her, she'd have to be gone long enough for him to worry before he would. By then she could've drawn attention to herself. She felt helpless and very, very foolish for leaving the table.

"You need a lesson in respect." Her dark-eyed companion was saying as he forced her onto a stool at the bar.

"Let me go." She said, mind reeling for a way out that didn't involve noise or violence. Her wand was at the table, with her bag...

"You see, it's a woman's duty to bend to the will of a man..."

Remus would come for her, she was sure, but by then...she didn't want to think of what would happen. She could accept the drink and let him have his dominance, and hope he'd leave her alone...

"And I just don't like your attitude..."

She could just wait for Remus, but what would her companion have done by then? The though made her stomach churn. And, worse, what would Remus think of her when he found her at the bar with some silky man, supposedly unable to take care of herself? Did she really need him to rescue her from this stupid situation? Was she really that incompetent?

"So you'll let me buy you a drink." The stranger finished dangerously, daring her to say something different.

Tonks' mind was still reeling as she said, "Let go of me," in her most deadly voice. How she wished she had her wand, or Auror badge, or anything...but she was alone. Helpless.

"I don't think I will." He responded mock-casually.

"Let. Go. Of. Me." She repeated, feeling completely incompetent.

She was just contemplating punching him the muggle way and dealing with the magical repercussions she was sure would come when a voice behind her made her heart skip.

"Let go of her."

* * *

><p><em>AN: Slightly cliff-hanger ending, though I'm sure you can all guess where this is going. _

_Anyway, how'd you like the chapter? Boring? Awkward? Too wordy? Letting me know helps me improve! As I said, I love reviews, even if it's just to tell me I leave insufferably long author's notes._

_Thanks again for reading, chapter 3 should be up soon!_

_p.s. brownie points to anyone who recognized the hidden (and completely unintentional) 'four word phrase' ;)_


	3. Chapter 3: A Lack of Constant Vigilance

_A/N: Happy belated Valentine's Day! I figured this would be an apt chapter with the holiday and all..._

_This chapter starts exactly where the last one ended and you may hate me a bit by the end of it, but I promise the almost-occurrence in this chapter won't be an almost-occurrence by the end of the story. ;)_

_Chapter 3 is dedicated to Fanfiction fan, paardenlaura, and StrawberryFields, all of whom left wondrous reviews on the past chapter but who I could not send a PM to thank to. Thank you all so much for the feedback!_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3-A Distinct Lack of Constant Vigilance<strong>

"Let go of her."

Remus Lupin's voice had never sounded so low, so cold, so _dangerous_, thought Nymphadora Tonks. For the first time since she found out he was a werewolf she believed that he was capable of violence - not just self defense, but violence.

Tonks' heart, which had started beating twice as fast since he'd appeared, sounded in her ears as she tried not to wilt in relief.

"Excuse me?" Her companion asked, looking similarly dangerous.

"I said, 'let go of her'." Lupin repeated, voice sounding calm, but with the unmistakable dangerous edge it seemed to have acquired.

The man considered Lupin for a moment, as if deciding how best to handle him, before saying in a falsely dismissive tone, "This is none of your business, mate."

He acted cool on the surface, but he had removed his hand from Tonks' arm and was eyeing Lupin almost nervously.

"Yes, it is." Lupin responded still calmly, moving over to where Tonks was sitting and putting his arm around her protectively.

Tonks tried to suppress the warmth that spread through her at his touch, but even in this situation his proximity and calming presence made her feel completely secure, safe. She all but sighed in relief.

"Who're you, her _boyfriend_?" The man scoffed, though his eyes betrayed the unease he was suddenly feeling.

"Yes, he is." Tonks said quickly, mind finally working again. She slid her arm around Remus' waist and felt him tense the slightest bit but squeeze her shoulder reassuringly.

They stared up at the man who was looking at them dubiously. "Prove it." He demanded.

Tonks felt her stomach drop. Would Remus really 'prove it'? What was he going to do? Would he kiss her? She felt nerves burst through her and fought the blush threatening to overtake her. She'd imagined kissing Remus countless times, sure, but this was not the way she wanted it to happen. She wanted her first kiss with him to be special, to mean something, not to be done because he had to.

"We don't have to prove anything to you." Remus said coolly.

Tonks felt relieved, though she wondered idly whether Remus would have kissed her if he felt they _did _have to prove it.

"Whatever, babe." The man said, glancing back at Tonks condescendingly.

It was an immature jab, foolish, desperate - and yet she took the bait.

"Don't call me that." She snapped, feeling fear leaving her and instead being replaced by anger. Anger at his arrogance, his thoughts on women, the way he treated her.

"You know you like it, babe." He taunted with a smirk.

"Don't call her that."

If Tonks thought Remus' voice was dangerous before, it was nothing compared to what it was now. He was positively terrifying, she thought, and she noticed out of the corner of her eye that his arm that was not around her was clutching his wand.

"_Mark..._" Tonks said steadily, placing her free hand on his chest.

At her touch Lupin's eyes met hers immediately, and she tried her best to communicate '_don't make a scene' _to him with a look.

"Mark?" The stranger said in imitation of Tonks, grinning at Lupin boyishly, as if he wanted a fight, as if he was enjoying provoking them.

Lupin's eyes snapped to the man in front of him. "Apologize to her." It was a command.

"No way in hell." The man responded, still grinning, still enjoying the scene he was surely about to cause. "She needs to learn to respect men. And no wonder she doesn't, with you letting her walk all over you-"

There was an odd sort of growling sound and it took Tonks a moment to realize that the sound had come from Lupin. He looked more furious than she'd seen him, perhaps with the exception of the time he'd learned of Umbridge's latest anti-werewolf legislation.

Knowing she had to act fast, Tonks squeezed his middle with the arm around his waist and spoke softly to him, eyes studying his face. "_Mark_, let's go sit down." She said, tone slightly pleading.

The clenched muscle in his jaw jumped slightly, but he dragged his eyes from the man in front of him to look at her. Tonks met Lupin's gaze with one of her own that was begging him not to do anything more.

"He should apologize, _Iris._" Lupin said tensely, eyes flicking back to the man in front of him, gaze hardening once more.

"It doesn't matter." She said softly, almost desperately.

"It does to me." He responded levelly.

"Please?" She breathed into his ear, not wanting him to know how touched she was at his words, not wanting the man who was still studying them to know what she was saying.

She saw Lupin tense at her proximity but to her relief he nodded stiffly, giving the man one last contemptuous glance before leading her back to the table, arm not even loosening its grip on her shoulders.

As they approached the table in silence Tonks felt the adrenaline in her system being replaced by shame and a light, shaky feeling. She'd been so useless, so helpless on her own, and he'd had to save her.

Lupin didn't take his arm back until they reached the table and sat down once more. When they were back across from each other Tonks looked at her hands, feeling ashamed and trying to find the words to apologize to him. She took a deep breath and looked up only to forget what she'd planned to say when she noticed him studying her with an unreadable expression.

"I - er - I'm sorry." She spluttered, unable to recall what she'd wanted to tell him.

He looked shocked. "What?"

"I'm sorry." She repeated, looking back at the table as her face flushed. "It was so stupid, I left my wand here like an idiot, I didn't want to make a scene, and I didn't know how to make him go away and it was just...stupid." She muttered, feeling her face flushing with each word.

It was silent for a moment, and Tonks felt sure he agreed with her, though it was unlike him not to say anything at all. She felt even more ashamed, but he recovered quickly and spoke.

"No, I'm sorry." He said.

Tonks looked up in surprise to find him staring at her very intently. She wanted to look away but felt she couldn't, so she held his gaze uncertainly and waited for him to continue.

"I...I don't know what came over me." He said slowly, looking quite ashamed of himself. "I saw him treating you like that and I wanted to hurt him. You did nothing wrong, Nymphadora. _I'm _sorry."

Tonks stared at him, confused. Did he really think any of it was his fault? He'd saved her! "Remus, _you're_ the one that saved me. Don't apologize!"

He blinked at her. "I almost blew our cover. I shouldn't have lost my head like that. I just - I didn't like the way he was speaking to you."

Tonks was about to open her mouth to tell him not to apologize when the other half of what he'd said hit her. _I saw him treating you like that and I wanted to hurt him. _Did that mean what she hoped it did or was he just like Sirius, over protective in a brotherly way? _I didn't like the way he was speaking to you. _Did he return her feelings? Did he really feel _that _way about her? Could he?

"It's okay, Remus. Just forget about it." She said, giving him a shy smile and placing her hand on his, which was resting on the table, not sure where her courage was coming from.

Lupin glanced up at her almost nervously when he felt her grab his hand, but to her relief he didn't move away from her. Instead, he smiled at her slightly before turning back to survey the rest of the room.

"I think it's another false trail." He said a moment later, and she knew he was referring to a Death Eater meeting that she was sure wasn't happening.

Tonks nodded, looking around the room herself, feeling both bright and warm inside now that she was holding Remus' hand and also very unsure of what to do. Did he think she was just playing along with their story? Did _he_ know how _she_ felt about him?

He sighed heavily and she turned back to him. "Sorry." He said with a sheepish grin. "But we're supposed to stay here until closing, at 2:00."

Tonks nodded, glancing at her watch which was, thankfully, on the wrist not touching Remus. It was 11:30 already, but two and a half more hours? She enjoyed Remus' company, but since the run in with the man at the bar she was even more unsure of herself around him than usual. This fact was not helped by their hands, which were still semi-awkwardly clasped on the table.

Tonks had never felt so inexperienced and unsure of herself around anyone before, and she knew it was because of how deep her feelings for Remus went. She began to panic, wondering if he was just putting up with her, just being polite in not taking his hand away. After all, she hadn't given him much choice, had she? What would he have done, yanked his hand away? What could she do now? If she moved, would it make things better or worse?

She fidgeted nervously and Lupin noticed. Perhaps correctly guessing the source of her unease, he shifted beneath her so that his hand was holding hers and gave it a little squeeze, smiling slightly at her.

"Tell me about going to school with Charlie." He said, as if knowing she was searching desperately for something to say. Charlie had come to an Order meeting the other week, and she knew Lupin had noticed their bear-hug reunion.

Tonks all but sighed in relief as she began to talk. "Well, he was really cool, Bill, too. Not the prefect type, though he was one, but he always got up to mischief with me at school." Tonks started, remembering certain detentions they'd served after pulling pranks. She never had been well-behaved, but Charlie hadn't either if the Niffler Incident was any indication. "I used my powers to my advantage, of course, morphing into teachers, students, everyone..."

Lupin let out a light laugh as he studied her. "Why doesn't that surprise me?" He asked rhetorically.

Tonks smiled, feeling herself returning to being at ease with him. The fact that his thumb was lightly running over the back of her hand didn't hurt, either. "Yes, well, Sirius wasn't the only mischievous Black. People always thought I'd be well behaved, as a Hufflepuff, but they were very, very wrong. Anyway, Charlie would get up to trouble with me, and being a noble prat he always took the blame for what we'd do." She said, smiling slightly nostalgically as she recalled how he'd always take the fall for her.

"Yes, us Gryffindors are often noble prats, as you say." Lupin teased, and she grinned at him.

"Well, it was good for me, I didn't get in nearly as much trouble as I should have!" She laughed before saying, "But no, it was great, going to school with Charlie and Bill. Like two crazy older brothers, you know? And anyway, they're both so good natured about everything. Like the time I morphed into Charlie's crush, this really pretty blonde, and walked right up to him and kissed him full on the mouth! His expression was priceless, all dreamy until he realized it was me, and then he didn't speak to me for days, until Bill talked him 'round."

Tonks laughed quietly at the memory, though she did feel slightly guilty for it now, as she had since learned what it was like to pine after someone. Had Charlie done the same thing to her with Lupin today she'd be furious, she knew.

Lupin laughed along with her, before saying, without thinking, "I can hardly imagine being disappointed at you kissing me." After a moment he seemed to realize what he'd said, however, because he went pink at his own words. "I didn't - I just meant-"

Tonks laughed, surprised at her own ability to hold back a blush, and gave his hand a squeeze, cutting him off mid stutter. "I know what you mean, Remus, it's okay. But I never saw Charlie like that, not really. I mean, we dated for like a week in fourth year before deciding it was just too awkward and we were better friends."

Lupin looked relieved and smiled at her again. "Well, I'm sure you dated other people, if not Charlie."

Tonks felt a bit awkward and glanced away, saying, "No, actually, not really..."

Lupin looked surprised. "Why not?"

Tonks felt uncomfortable again, so she looked at the table while saying, "Well, it's not that people didn't ask me out, or anything, it's just...well, they were all interested in me because I'm a metamorphmagus, you know, not because of who I am as a person. And I was okay with that, for a while, but it just never felt real. It was always about appearances, and I thought that'd change after school, but it didn't, really, and with Auror training...I just didn't have time to let anyone get to know me. Or maybe I was just scared to."

When she glanced up again Lupin was once more looking at her with an intense yet unreadable expression. Feeling awkward, Tonks changed the subject. "What about you? Any scandals in the love life of Remus Lupin?"

Lupin paused a moment, as if letting her know he was aware she'd intentionally changed the subject, before wryly explaining, "Hardly. Typically, when you tell a woman you're a werewolf, she loses interest in being with you."

Tonks rolled her eyes at him, very acutely aware of the slight yet existent bitter edge to his voice. "Okay, okay, but come on. There has to have been some girls. You were a Marauder, for Pete's sake!"

Lupin looked a bit chagrined. "Well, there were girls, yes, but nobody I really felt a connection to. And the one time I did feel something for someone, the one time I got close enough to tell her how I felt...well, I told her too much." Lupin's smile turned brittle as he finished, stiffly, "I told her about my lycanthropy, and that was the end of that."

"You mean she ditched you when you told her you were a werewolf?" Tonks asked incredulously.

"Don't sound so surprised." Lupin responded calmly with a slightly sad smile. "Just because the Order are willing to accept me doesn't mean the rest of the wizarding world is. Besides, who can blame her? I'm no catch. I can barely support myself in this society and I'm not good-looking like James or Sirius. I pose a danger to those around me and-"

"Stop it, Remus!" Tonks cut in, looking at him fiercely. He was much too shocked at her outburst to do anything but look at her with wide eyes, and Tonks continued, "If she wasn't able to see past it, she wasn't worth your time!"

Lupin eventually overcame his surprise and his eyes became slightly distant. "You sound like Lily."

Tonks stared at him. _Lily?_

Noticing her lack of understanding, Lupin elaborated, "Lily Evans, Harry's mother. She was, besides James, Sirius, and Peter, the only one at Hogwarts who knew of my affliction. She figured it out our fifth year, and was always telling me not to pull back from other people because of it. She used to say that if people didn't accept me, they weren't worth my time."

"She was right!" Tonks said quickly, passionately.

Lupin chuckled at her and she blushed, laughing with him a bit, body warmed by his smile and hand still around hers.

After a moment, however, she sobered up and, looking into his face, spoke in an almost a whisper. "But she was, you know that, right?"

Lupin looked at her with his unreadable expression yet again, before smiling slightly. "Thank you for saying that." He said quietly, eyes darting away from hers.

Tonks opened her mouth and prepared to tell him she wasn't just saying it, that she meant it, and that he'd better believe it, when a voice came out over the crowd of people and cut her off.

"All right, it's midnight, and you lot know what that means! Gentlemen, find that special someone and get out to the dance floor!"

Tonks cringed inwardly as the D.J. spoke from the stage across the bar. She should've seen this coming, really, but still...she looked around, feigning nonchalance as she realized what he meant. All the people around them were getting to their feet, and Tonks wondered desperately what Remus would do.

It was a lose-lose situation, really. It would be slightly strange if they didn't dance, seeings as they were posed as a couple, and Tonks knew if Remus didn't ask her she'd feel disappointed, though she didn't actually _want _to dance. It was more on principle.

At the same time, however, she knew she couldn't dance, and dancing with Remus would be very awkward as well as inappropriate, as they were on a mission. Either way things were uncomfortable, and when Tonks chanced a glance back at Lupin his face was an image of the same conflict that she was feeling.

Tonks saw him glance over her shoulder, and when she turned, she saw the man from the bar looking at them, face clearly showing that he was watching them to see how they'd behave. Knowing there was no choice now, Tonks looked back at Lupin and smiled apologetically.

He got up, letting go of her hand, and walked around the table to where she was sitting, where he offered her his hand once more. "Nymphadora Tonks," He started, softly enough for only her to hear yet still causing her to scowl, "do me the honor of letting me have this dance?"

Had she not felt such a large eruption of butterflies in her stomach as he looked down at her, Tonks might have laughed at his formality. As it was, he was smiling at her sincerely, and she realized he was completely serious.

"Really?" She asked, kicking herself mentally for sounding so dumb.

"Yes..." He said, tilting his head ever so slightly at her.

"Er - are you sure that's a good - I mean, aren't we supposed to be - ?" Tonks glanced around, clearly referring to their mission.

"Come on, we've been here for ages and there's nothing out of the ordinary. Besides, I think it'll look strange if we don't, do you not?" Tonks knew Lupin was thinking of the man from the bar, as he glanced up from her face in the direction of where he'd been standing and then back at her again.

Tonks hesitated for a moment, only too late realizing what he must think of her reluctance. He was looking at her, smile faltering a bit, appearing adorably unsure of himself.

"I - I'd love to." She said quickly and a bit loudly, causing him to grin lopsidedly at her.

As Tonks grasped his large, warm hand and stood up, however, she suddenly remembered the other reason for her reluctance. "I've got to warn you, though. I mean, I can't walk without tripping, and dancing requires even more coordination...dancing with me is dangerous!"

He scoffed at her. "I'm used to dangerous. Werewolf, remember?" She grinned back, still unconvinced, and it must have shown for he said, "I'll catch you if you fall."

Tonks, for reasons unclear to her, felt sure he wasn't just talking about dancing.

_I'll catch you if you fall._

She smiled gratefully at him as he twined his fingers through hers and led her towards the dance floor.

When they found themselves surrounded by lots of other couples, Lupin turned to face her and placed his hands lightly around her waist. Tonks reached up and put her hands on his broad shoulders, trying desperately to ease the nerves that had begun to explode at his touch. She realized, looking around, how foolish she must look in robes, as all the other women were in their elegant attire, but she forced herself to focus on not falling.

As they swayed gently to the music, Tonks looked up into Lupin's face and found him already staring at her, a slightly distant look in his eyes. As her eyes met his, her heart seemed to skip a beat and then beat a million times a second to catch up, and she knew she must be blushing horribly, but he just smiled his serene smile at her and Tonks sighed contentedly. Not knowing what to say, she decided to mimic what she'd seen her mum do at so many parties with her dad, and she placed her head on Remus' shoulder.

She'd never be able to explain why, but swaying there, in his arms, everything felt _right_. Though she was nervous, her stomach was doing somersaults, and she felt absurdly warm at his touch, Tonks felt completely comfortable, like she fit there, like she had always been meant to fit there. And so she closed her eyes, breathing deeply and smelling his scent on his shirt, wrapping her arms a little more tightly around him and feeling her heart swell as he did the same. They stood there, holding each other firmly, and Tonks felt she was in complete bliss.

A few moments later, however, Lupin interrupted her thoughts when he said to her, "Dora, your hair!"

His voice was soft and yet she started and pulled back from him to look into his face, suddenly very aware at how close they had been yet not ashamed that she'd found herself there. She'd let the moment carry her away, and as Lupin brought her back she was slightly disoriented.

"What?" She asked dazedly.

"Your hair. It's turning pink!" He said quietly, smiling down at her.

"Oh." Tonks breathed, feeling her face flush as she quickly focussed on morphing her hair back to the golden blonde it had been. "Sorry, that can sometimes happen when I - er..."

"Yes?" Lupin prompted when Tonks' voice trailed off.

Tonks quickly said, "Never mind," realizing too late what she'd been about to say. _That can sometimes happen when I get too excited and lose focus. _He looked at her strangely but didn't pry and instead shifted to hold her closely once more.

Tonks wondered, with the small part of her brain that wasn't completely wrapped up in Lupin's embrace, whether he'd let them keep dancing when the song was over or not, because she never wanted to move. A sudden thought occurred to her a moment later, however, and she looked up at him unexpectedly.

He jumped slightly at her sudden movement as she said, "Wait a minute. Did you just call me 'Dora'?"

To her surprise and glee Lupin blushed deeper than she'd ever see him blush before. It was completely adorable to see him embarrassed, and he didn't even hold her gaze as he muttered, "Er, yes. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, it slipped out, I just - Tonks is so impersonal, but I know you hate it when I call you Nymphadora, and Sirius calls you Dora sometimes, and I just thought - well, I understand if you don't want me to call you that, but I just-"

"No." She said, cutting him off by brushing some hair that was in his eyes out and behind his ear. His gaze snapped to hers at her touch, but even once she'd tucked the strands of hair behind his ear she kept her hand on the side of his face, looking at him sincerely, grinning up at him. "Dora's brilliant."

He looked down at her and once again their eyes met, not like they usually did, and she could almost see him lay down the wall he usually put up. He was letting her in, she knew, as he looked at her once more _without_ the unreadable expression.

In his eyes, for the first time, she saw unrestrained emotion. The look he gave her told her all she needed to know and more. It was a look of caring, of desire, of - dare she hope - love? And in that moment, as he looked down at her, eyes so raw and sincere, she shivered, leaning closer to him, feeling his arms press more firmly into her lower back.

"It suits you, then." He breathed just as he leaned down, gaze dropping to her lips.

Tonks, on the inside, was screaming in delight. _Oh, Merlin, he's going to kiss me! He's going to kiss me, he's going to kiss me, he's going to-_

But he didn't kiss her.

Just as he was centimeters from her face and her eyes were fluttering closed, he shocked her by laughing softly. He was close enough that she could feel his breath on her face as her eyes snapped back open.

Tonks was ready to punch something from frustration; it had been the perfect moment, the kind she'd been dreaming about for months, and he had just _chuckled_.

He leaned away from her a bit, reading her annoyed and disappointed expression and quickly explaining, "Your hair, Dora..."

Tonks sighed frustratedly and morphed it back to blonde, furious that she'd lost control and ruined what she was sure would have been a brilliant kiss.

"Pink again?" She asked, not bothering to mask her disappointment.

"Pink again." He affirmed, chuckling once more when she sighed and buried her face in his chest. Though the moment had been ruined, Tonks couldn't help but smile when she felt him breathe out contentedly and hug her closer to him, resting his head on her own.

"That's what I get for letting my guard down, I suppose." Tonks mumbled into his chest, looking back up at him to say, with an impish grin, "Mad-Eye certainly wouldn't approve of my lack of constant vigilance."

Lupin looked as if he was about to smile, but instead his whole body tensed and his eyes darted behind her. Tonks felt her brow furrow at his behavior and was just turning around to see what he was looking at when she heard a cold, mirthless laugh.

The blood in Tonks' veins ran cold as a gruff, sinister voice said, "No, he would not."

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><p><em>AN: How'd you like chapter 3? Too long? Frustrating ending (in more ways than one)? Riddled with too much foreshadowing? _

_I apologize about the cliff-hanger, but again I'm sure you can guess what's about to happen, so it's not too horrid._

_Thanks again for reading, and as I've said before reviews are always, always, _always _appreciated! I might even tell you about the Niffler incident if you ask nicely enough ;)_

_Chapter 4 (the climactic scene!) will be up soon!_


	4. Chapter 4: Out of the Fray

_A/N: First of all, thank you so much to all who read/reviewed last chapter! It means more than I can say, it really does. _

_**WARNING:** please note that this chapter contains some violence, a coarse word, and sensitive material. This story is rated 'T' and not just as a precaution! The violence is more implicit than anything, nothing that happens is meant to offend anyone, and I don't think it's anything too appalling, but I just wanted to be clear._

_Chapter 4 is dedicated to StrawberryFields and Fanfiction fan, both of whom left a spectacular review on chapter 3 but who I couldn't thank by personal message. Thanks so much for the reviews!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 4-Out of the Fray<strong>

"No, he would not."

Nymphadora Tonks felt her entire body tense as she whirled around and saw, to her horror, the Death Eater Avery, staring at her with a demonic gleam in his eyes.

Before she could do anything more than make a confused, strangled noise in the back of her throat, he had raised his wand and shot a spell at her. Tonks felt her eyes widen in surprise and ducked right in time, before feeling an arm wrap firmly around her middle and tug her upright. Remus Lupin was holding her with one arm and firing spells with the other in rapid succession, countering and deflecting those of Avery.

As Tonks glanced behind Avery, she felt her insides turn to stone; he was far from alone. Standing around him were numerous other Death Eaters, all of whom were advancing on her and Lupin with incredible speed.

For a moment it felt unreal. As she saw them advancing, it felt as though her mind and body disconnected a bit; she heard nothing but a ringing in her ears and her own heart, beating surprisingly slowly at first but quickly picking up speed. She saw them moving but their motions seemed slowed, fluid-like, exaggerated.

After the briefest or longest of moments, she wasn't sure which, she came crashing back down, feeling the blood surging through her veins and hearing her heart beating faster than it ever had before. All of a sudden, things were not moving in slow motion. They were moving fast. Too fast.

In a flurry of motion her wand was in her hand and she too was firing spells - a shield around herself, stunners towards Avery and Crabbe, Goyle, Jugson, Nott, Rowle, and Gibbon, all of whom she recognized from various wanted posters and pictures from her training. It felt as if the world around her and her attackers slowed to a stop - all the people in the bar were still, silent, it seemed, though she knew they probably were not.

Tonks did not notice the people looking between her and her adversaries with confusion, no doubt trying to decide who was the enemy and who was the civilian. She did not notice when the man from the bar left through the front door, probably to contact the Ministry. She did not notice the screams of those around her, who had finally seemed to recognize her opponents as the enemy - maybe from posters or just from the unprovoked attack. She did not notice when a few people stepped in to fight for her and Lupin. She did not notice anything but the eyes of those she was fighting, their sneers, their yells. She did not even notice that she was still only centimeters from the man she'd been about to kiss.

The world around her blurred into a cacophony of screams, lights, flashes, and yells. Mere seconds had passed since they were attacked and yet it felt likes years. She deflected spell after spell, shot stunner after stunner, hit one Death Eater - Nott, mabye? - and felt herself becoming fatigued. This was not like training, she thought grimly.

In training, she'd fought countless people, but it hadn't been real. Even once she'd qualified she had been the rookie, stuck doing paperwork and talking to paranoid old ladies who thought the neighbor's cat was an unregistered-animagus-turned-murderer. She'd been on missions for the Order, sure, but never like this - she'd never been so obviously outnumbered, so caught completely and utterly off guard. Never before had she fought for her life, not really, and it was a surreal experience.

A few men who were not panicking were ordering the innocent bystanders to leave, and the bar was clearing, but through the chaos Tonks couldn't tell how people were reacting. The Death Eaters weren't masked, probably playing to the fact that the Ministry was sure to try and pass this off as a bar brawl, and she had no idea if anyone understood the severity of the situation. She had no idea who was where, no idea how she was going to survive.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Lupin stun yet another Death Eater - Jugson? - and even in that moment she couldn't help but notice how incredible of a wizard he was, how strong. And that thought, misplaced as it was, cost her. As she lost focus for the briefest of seconds, she felt an arm encircle her waist, and suddenly she heard a sickening crack.

It took Tonks a few seconds to realize that she had not, in fact, broken a bone, but had instead been disapparated with. She'd recognize the feeling of disapparition anywhere.

And suddenly, she was scared.

It was not that she hadn't been frightened before - she had been, of course. But that had been adrenaline fueled fighting, chaos. Now she was alone with a Death Eater, she was sure, out of the fray, and the fear was much more acute.

She felt herself fall to the ground as her kidnapper released her, and though she tried to regain her balance, it was too late. When she finally straightened up, wand in hand, three others already had their wands pointed directly at her heart. With a cold, sinking feeling, she looked into the faces of Avery and the Carrows.

"Drop your wand or we'll kill you." Amycus said in an almost bored voice.

Tonks glared at him but complied. He had the advantage and she was sure he knew it. She realized, idly, that it had been a set up. An obvious one. They'd attacked and sent Avery to isolate her and bring her to where the others were waiting.

Tonks, as she stood there, tried to figure out where she was; Mad-Eye'd always said to try to discover your location. They were outside, in a suburban area - an alleyway. It was dark and freezing; the weather seemed the same as in the bar they'd been in. She knew better than to try to disapparate, for they were sure to have put up a ward to prevent it, and she no longer had her wand in hand. She was trapped.

The area looked oddly familiar, and for a moment, Tonks wondered whether they'd been dumb enough - or arrogant enough - to keep her as close as she thought she was to the bar. It didn't matter, though, she knew; there was no way for Remus to find her, not now, not while he was fighting off at least five Death Eaters on his own in a bar full of innocent bystanders. She was utterly alone and defenseless.

"I'll make this easy for you," Avery said in a thick voice. "Tell me where the headquarters of your precious Order are."

Tonks stood, preparing herself mentally for what she knew would soon come, and said, "No."

None of the Death Eaters looked surprised as Tonks jutted her chin out and tried to look as insolent and confident as possible.

"Have it your way, then," wheezed Alecto. "CRUCIO!"

Though Tonks had known it was coming, her mental preparation did not make the Cruciatus Curse any easier. As the light streaked towards her, Tonks knew not to dodge it, for they'd only retaliate more. The last thing she did before the spell hit her was focus on something strong, as Mad-Eye had always told her to. With Remus' smile in mind, the spell hit her squarely in the chest.

No amount of descriptions of the curse and its effects could have prepared her for the pain she felt upon the spell's contact with her skin. She'd read, for training, about the curse; she'd read it was worse than one thousand white hot knives boring into the skin. She'd read it was worse than every bone breaking, worse than being crushed, cut, banged, bruised or anything else she could imagine.

It was more intense and painful than anything she'd ever experienced. It was a sharp, hot, unbearable pain, all over her body, ripping through her and causing her to fall to the ground. It was unimaginable, indescribable. Her thoughts, which at first had been at least slightly controlled, soon jumbled under the influence of pain.

When the curse was lifted after an indeterminable amount of time, Tonks felt as though she was slowly returning to a world the pain had taken her away from. She had no idea she'd been biting her lip hard enough to make it bleed. She had no idea whether she'd screamed or not and no idea how she'd ended up flat on her back when she'd initially fallen to her knees.

"Where are the headquarters of the Order?" Alecto spat at her, brandishing her wand.

She didn't need to tell Tonks what would happen if she refused, for Tonks already knew. But even if she wanted to tell the Death Eaters - which she didn't - she wouldn't have been able to, since she was not secret keeper.

So Tonks said nothing and instead stared into her adversary's eyes, unflinching, appearing much braver than she felt. The woman glared at her before flicking her wand, almost nonchalantly, and repeating the torture.

Knowing what to expect still did not ease the pain upon receiving it. As the curse hit her once again, Tonks could feel her mind slipping, surrendering to the pain, to the urge to black out. Yet she was determined not to pass out, determined to stay awake - it could be the difference between life and death. With this knowledge, Tonks fought hard to, if nothing else, remain conscious.

"Filthy mudblood!" Amycus shouted, spitting into Tonks' face when she sat up after the curse was removed. Tonks felt the spit hit her face seconds after it did - it seemed time was warping, things were slowing down.

She heard Avery scolding Alecto in the background, but his voice sounded faint and far away and was second to the ringing in her ears. He was saying that she'd held Tonks under the curse too long - that she was going to repeat what'd happened to the Longbottoms.

As he scolded her, Tonks felt fear thrill through her - she would not end up like Frank and Alice. She knew what'd happened to them, knew the consequences of being under the Cruciatus Curse for too long - but how could she get out of this? She would not give them any information they desired, she knew that, but could she stall them? Give them false information? Try to flee?

Somebody turned back to her, she wasn't sure who, and demanded the location of headquarters again. Tonks once more said nothing and once more was placed under the Cruciatus Curse. This time, however, it was only used for a few seconds - and she was able to keep her mind through it all.

This was repeated for minutes or maybe hours. They'd demand information, she'd say nothing. They'd use the Cruciatus Curse. As time wore on, Tonks was losing hope of finding a way out. Sure, she was still alive - telling them nothing was preventing her from being murdered, for she had something they wanted - but she was unable to see a way out for herself.

As they tortured her more and more, Tonks felt her body weaken and weaken. Any strength she had was drained by the Cruciatus Curse, and she was left on the ground, unable to stand. She had no hope of escaping on her own - even if she had a wand, she didn't think she had it in her to preform even a simple disarming spell. She was far too fatigued to try to morph. She could not even scream.

She would not be getting herself out, that much was painfully, horrifyingly clear.

This left her with two options - be saved or be killed. It was both comforting and anguishing to know neither was in her control.

Tonks knew that her chances of being saved were slim to none. Even if Remus somehow managed to overcome all of his adversaries, he'd have no way of finding her. Tonks felt sure that at some point the people watching the struggle would take Remus' side; it was clear that he was being ganged up on, that he was the one attacked. But could the people in the bar see that and protect him before he was taken down? What if he was disapparated with, just as she had been? What if he was stunned, or injured, or - no, she wouldn't think that.

But even if he did get help and manage to fight off the Death Eaters, she knew he'd have to spend time at least explaining what was going on, and he'd probably be interviewed by the Ministry, assuming the Aurors were contacted. She hoped, vaguely, that he kept his disguise and was not questioned longer or taken in because he was a known werewolf.

But even if he overcame his adversaries, got out of there, and wanted to find her, how on earth would he? How _could _he possibly find her? Even if she was nearby, he'd have no way of knowing where she was, and she couldn't scream, not with her lungs feeling like lead, not with so much fatigue, not with her doing all she could to keep from blacking out.

No, it did not seem like she would be saved.

Tonks knew the only other option was death. She knew some people would probably see death as a welcome option, a way out, a way to get rid of the pain. But Tonks didn't want to die, not even a bit. She didn't want death, even if it meant being spared the pain. She had too much she hadn't done - she hadn't kissed Remus, not properly, or told him how she felt, or gotten married, or had children, or visited all the places she'd dreamed of as a child. She couldn't die, not yet.

But at the same time, how could she live? How could she get out of this situation with no strength left in her body?

A large hand yanking her to her feet by her robes made her start and return to the present. Avery and Amycus were surrounding her, looking, if possible, even more sadistic.

"I know how to break her." Avery was bragging, a cruel and bone-chilling smile playing over his face.

Amycus let out a sickening laugh, and Tonks could see Alecto looking slightly hesitant behind them. It didn't take Alecto's almost regretful stare, or Avery and Amycus' evil glances, or the way they pushed her down so she was laying on a stairwell for Tonks to know what was coming, however. It took nothing more than that comment.

_I know how to break her. _

Tonks felt as if she was about to be sick. Suddenly she felt terrified - truly and utterly terrified. What they were planning for her was much, much worse than any magic could ever be.

_I know how to break her. _

She felt fear threaten to pull her under and into its dark oblivion as Avery leaned over her, trapping her in between the stairs and his body. She felt fear digging into her as he came too close and began to rip at her robes. She felt fear overwhelming her as she became exposed, vulnerable, naked - and as she thought of what they had in store for her she wanted, for the first time, to die.

_I know how to break her. _

It was not the way his hands pinned her arms to her sides that sickened her. It was not his crushing lips, which suffocated her, choked her. It was not the fact that he tasted of stale cigarettes and fire-whiskey as he shoved his tongue into her mouth. It was not his hot, moist breath in all the places it shouldn't have been. It was not his rough, calloused hands ravaging her, or the promise of him forcing himself upon her that sickened her.

No. What sickened her, more than anything, was that look in his eyes - the way he raked his gaze over her, the way he didn't even need to touch her to make her feel dirty and violated and unclean.

_I know how to break her. _

"Where are headquarters?" He all but whispered into her ear, breath making her want to vomit. Tonks said nothing.

_I know how to break her._

"You're a whore, you know that?" He spat when she refused to answer.

Still she said nothing.

"I think I'll leave you a reminder, _Nymphadora_, of what you are." He crooned, still holding her down as if she had the strength to fight him off even if he wasn't.

_I know how to break her. _

Tonks vaguely registered that he recognized her and wondered whether his relationship with her aunt was influencing his behavior as he reached for his wand and then stood back from her, leaving her with her ripped shirt haphazardly around her stomach, not covering what it should. His eyes raked over her for the millionth time, and Tonks wished, once more, for it to be over. He studied her as if she was a blank canvas and he was the artist, and then, with a flick of his wand, the pain began.

_I know how to break her._

It was not the Cruciatus Curse, though it hurt almost as bad. It was a hot, searing, sharp kind of pain, but localized to a spot on her chest, above her heart, not all over, as the Cruciatus would have been.

It came in bursts - five of them. Eventually he stopped and looked back at Tonks with a satisfied expression, and once the pain wore out she realized that her skin felt wet. Hesitantly, she looked down.

_I know how to break her. _

There, in between her clavicle and left breast, was a pool of growing blood. Tonks had never been queasy around blood before, not even her own, as she fell so often, but there was a lot of it, oozing out of deep gashes - five of them. Five different shapes. Five letters. _W-H-O-R-E. _

_ I know how to break her. _

Tonks felt sick when she realized what it said and what it would always remind her of. She felt sicker than ever before when she realized that he intended to completely rob her of her innocence, that the worst pain was yet to come.

_I know how to break her. _

"By the time I'm done with you he won't want you anymore." Avery promised her.

He didn't need to specify. He'd seen her, seen her with Remus..._Remus_...

Tonks thought she'd be sick for sure, but although she could feel the bile in the back of her throat, she couldn't throw up, couldn't do anything but feel completely nauseated.

_I know how to break her. _

Tears threatened to come as he approached her once more, but she wouldn't give him that satisfaction, wouldn't cry. That was the one thing she still had control over, the last piece of resistance she had. With strength coming from who-knows-where, Tonks clamped her legs together and prepared to fight.

_I know how to break her. _

He approached her once more, forcing his hand between her legs, though her jeans were still on and he couldn't take them off without restraining her. He seemed to have thought that she was too tired to fight back, for he tried to remove her belt, but without him holding her hands back, Tonks struggled.

_I know how to break her._

It was foolish, really, when she thought about it. Amycus was there, and he and Avery were both armed. And yet she struggled, forcing her knee into his groin and her hands to claw at his face. He yelped and sprang away from her, and in the split second in which he and Amycus were too stunned to do anything she staggered to her feet, yanking her torn and bloodied t-shirt back on, covering herself back up.

_I know how to break her._

It was naïve to think it would make any difference, because he still had the wand and the advantage. But suddenly there was a feminine yell from the other end of the alleyway and Tonks watched in shock as Alecto's body slumped to the ground. A second later, Amycus was falling too, and then there was silence. Avery looked around wildly, searching for the source of the stunning spells, but without knowing where his attacker was he could not retaliate, and a few moments later he, too, slumped to the ground, unconscious.

_I know how to break her._

Tonks was far too out of it to feel joy or even relief as her attackers became incapacitated. She did not even bother to look for whoever it was that had saved her as she felt the last ounce of strength she had in her legs give out and she, too, crumpled to the ground.

_I know how to break her._

With the last bit of energy she had, she closed her robes around herself with shaking hands and drew herself into a ball. There, still far too numb to feel pain or even disgust, she waited.

~ o0o ~

It did not take Remus Lupin long to remove the disillusionment charm he'd placed on himself. It took him less time close the distance between him and Tonks, and even less time to crouch down next to her and feel thoroughly terrified.

In the time it did take him to reach her, he noticed that something was very obviously wrong. She did not look terribly hurt, nor was she screaming or sobbing or anything, and maybe _that _was it.

He knew, as an Auror, that she was used to fighting and minor injuries. He'd expected to find her healing herself, refusing his help, laughing, joking...he'd hoped to find her like that, anyway. In a worst case scenario, he'd expected crying, unconsciousness, too much pain for her to heal herself, screaming...but not this.

Not silence, not shaking, not a lack of obvious wounds.

He wondered, briefly, if she had some sort of internal damage, but she did not appear to be in physical pain. Her face was blank, indifferent. Her cheeks were streaked with tears, but she was not crying or sobbing. She looked completely exhausted, helpless, and weak. And through every piece of herself that Nymphadora had shown him, Remus had never once seen weakness.

As he bent down next to her, he cursed himself for not finding her sooner, but he couldn't have. The fighting had broken out so suddenly and unexpectedly...he'd done all he could to protect her, himself, and everyone in the bar. He knew they must've cottoned on to their disguises when Dora'd lost control of her hair, and he was thankful that he, at least, was still disguised, but her cover was blown and he'd not been able to help her as they were so outnumbered.

He'd recognized Crabbe, Gibbon, Goyle, Jugson, Nott, Rowle, and, of course, Avery. Some of them he'd met before in battle, in the First War. They were unmasked, and though it meant he could recognize them, he knew it wasn't a good thing; without the signature masks the people in the bar wouldn't have a way to distinguish enemy from civilian.

He'd forgotten how it felt to fight for his life. He'd forgotten the adrenaline, the simultaneous feelings of invincibility and vulnerability, the way the world around him gave out and left just those he was fighting for and those he was fighting against. He'd forgotten how scary it was to see someone else in danger - most of all Nymphadora.

He'd never before fought alongside someone he loved the way he loved her, and it was horrifying, to say the least. He loved James, Sirius, Frank, Alice, Dorcas, Lily...he'd loved them all, of course, but not in the way he loved Nymphadora.

It felt foolish to him, thinking he loved her, when she had no idea. But that had changed, too, right before they were attacked, when he'd almost kissed her. And as he'd been fighting, a tiny part of his brain was cursing himself for not kissing her when he had the chance, because as he fought six Death Eaters, once she'd disappeared - he didn't know if he'd ever have the chance _to _kiss her again. He remembered thinking that if he managed to get out alive, somehow, he'd have to tell her how he felt, or at least show her. She deserved to know.

So he'd fought; fought for himself, fought for her, fought for the chance to have something with her. But she'd disappeared. And the fear had threatened to overcome him, the despair, the sorrow, the feeling of helplessness - how could he help her when she was gone?

But he'd fought on, knowing he couldn't find her, not yet, and then some men in the bar, after getting the bystanders out, had helped him, and the Aurors had arrived, and he'd been questioned and talked to and prevented from getting to her. Thankfully he'd kept his disguise and alias and they'd let him go quickly, assuming he was just a good samaritan. They hadn't questioned him as they would've if he'd looked like the recognized werewolf and previous Order member he was, especially since he was sure they had plans to cover it up.

And then the Aurors had taken the Death Eaters, the two that had been stunned, with them back to the Ministry, but the others had disapparated when they'd heard the Aurors were coming and they'd gotten away. Once the Aurors were finally gone and people let him go, he'd realized he had no idea how to find them - Avery, who he'd noticed had gone with her, and her. Nymphadora. Dora.

He'd been panicky, but still he'd run out into the street, turned on the spot, and thought, _take me to Dora._

Somehow he'd ended up a few blocks away, in a deserted alleyway, with just enough time to disillusion himself before he'd stunned Alecto. He'd seen her a second later. She was standing, looking ruffled and a bit bloodied but not too bad. He'd stunned Amycus, then Avery, and he'd turned to her, to ask if she was okay, but she'd already fallen, fallen to the ground, though he'd only preformed three spells.

And as he crouched down beside her, quickly removing the appearance altering charms so as not to frighten her, he tried to remember how long it had been since she'd disappeared, but the minutes blurred together and all he knew was that it was too long - had they just wanted to kill her they would have already done it.

The realization that more had to have happened hit him, accompanied by a wave of nausea. There she was, curled in a ball, not moving...it was too similar to how they'd found Alice and Frank, and he felt true terror wash over him for the first time that night.

"Dora?" He breathed, fear constricting his voice to barely a whisper.

She looked up at him but her gaze was bleary, distant, disconnected. She seemed to see him, or see right through him, and she said nothing, made no move to sit up.

Her hair, he noticed, had gone a limp, mousy brown, a shade he'd never seen before when she was awake. He realized, quickly, that she must be in her natural state. She looked smaller and paler than he'd ever seen her.

"Dora, are you okay?" He asked, struggling not to panic, looking over her, searching for a wound and finding nothing but some dried blood near her left shoulder, which appeared to be a minor cut.

"Remus. Just-just take me home."

Had he not seen her cracked and swollen lips moving, he'd never have believed the sound came from her. Her voice was weaker than he'd ever heard it, sounding raw, hoarse...and when it broke he wanted nothing more than to hold her close, but she was pushing herself up from the ground now, edging slightly away from him.

But still her behavior could not quell the immense relief upon hearing her speak, upon hearing her make sense - she was not like Frank and Alice. Yet she was weak, something was wrong...

"Dora, what happened?" He asked urgently, not bothering to hide the fear and concern in his voice. "Are you okay? Do I need to take you to St. Mungo's?"

She shook her head slightly, looking as though she was about to fall as she whispered, "Just-just take me home."

* * *

><p><em>AN: All right, so it's out! That's the reason for the rating. Nothing too bad or too shocking, I hope. This is the chapter I was most nervous about, for what I assume are fairly obvious reasons. _

_I've never written a fight/action scene or anything like that before, so I'd love to hear how you thought it went! I'll say it a million times; reviews mean the world to me! _

_Special thanks to my beta and IsThisLove394 for their constant support/handholding, especially in regards to this chapter. _

_Thanks so much for reading!_


	5. Chapter 5: Never Fully Heal

_A/N: Happy leap year day!_

_Thank you so much to everyone who read & reviewed the last chapter! It means so much to me and helps me gain the confidence to continue posting. _

_I had a hard time with this chapter along with the next few; it's incredibly difficult for me to gauge an appropriate reaction for Tonks to what happened last chapter. I think Tonks, after everything, deserves to be able to freak out - if she seems like she's overreacting to you, just remember what she's been through and what she must've thought before she was rescued. _

_Chapter 5 is dedicated to Fanfiction fan, StrawberryFields, and Hannah, who left awesome reviews on the last chapter but who I couldn't PM to thank. So, if you're reading this, thank you so much for the feedback!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: A Wound That Would Never Fully Heal<strong>

"Just-just take me home." Nymphadora Tonks repeated in the same small voice that was so very unlike her.

She felt dizzy and numb and nothing else. It was surprising, really...if she'd known what would happen to her, she'd have guessed she'd be sobbing or cursing or something, but instead she felt calm, disconnected, indifferent. She felt no pain, no disgust, no fear. She felt nothing.

She could see Lupin staring at her in a very skeptical and calculating way. She could tell by his expression that he knew something was wrong, and his concern would have made her feel giddy under normal circumstances. But instead, she felt nothing.

She watched, as if from far away, as he helped her stay on her feet, eyeing her nervously the whole time. She watched him carefully pick her up, take her in his arms, and turn on the spot. Hours beforehand she would have felt excited at his care, at being in his arms...but now she just felt nothing.

She saw blackness and then she was outside of her own flat, and Lupin was using his wand to undo all the wards on her front door. He eventually pushed the door open and walked into her living room, all without saying a word or putting her down or even jostling her. Ordinarily, she might have felt surprised that he could get into her flat without breaking a sweat, but instead she felt nothing.

She thought, idly, as he carried her past the kitchen and towards the living room, that she had no idea where her wand was. She realized that she had no idea how he'd gotten free, or what would happen to the stunned Death Eaters in the alley, or what had happened to the Death Eaters in the bar. She realized she had no idea how he'd even found her. And though this normally would have invoked her curiosity or even anxiety, she just felt nothing.

Tonks watched as Lupin set her down in her living room and looked over her with an appraising eye. She watched his brow furrow as he took in her ripped and dirty robes and blood stained shirt and mousy brown hair. She watched as he looked into her face and watched as his brow furrowed further when she met his gaze without feeling.

She watched as he reached for her and took her cold, small hands in his own, and only then did she realize how badly she was shaking. On any other day she'd have been surprised that he so boldly reached for her or that she could be shaking so badly without knowing, yet she felt nothing.

She watched more than felt as Lupin squeezed her cold hands with his warm ones. She watched as he dropped her hands and lightly trailed his own up her arms before gently pulling her robes down, off her shoulders, folding them and laying them on the back of the couch. As he cared for her, something that ordinarily would have caused tingles and swoons, she felt nothing.

She watched as he wordlessly turned back to her, reaching for her, and, for the first time, she felt something.

Fear.

It was sudden and overwhelming and bubbled up inside her without warning.

Fear.

Fear of what, she had no idea, but fear nonetheless. As she watched him raise his hands towards her, towards her shirt, she heard a yelp and felt her own throat burn. Only when she saw him flinch did she realize that those things were connected, that it was her who'd screamed, who'd made that sound.

And before she knew what was happening she was staggering back, away from him, away from his touch, and she next found herself in the bathroom, over the toilet, body retching yet nothing coming out. She heard his footsteps before she saw him, before she looked up at him.

He looked just as concerned as before, and yet she still felt almost nothing, but there was fear, too.

_Not again, please not again, not again._

She found herself begging, though she knew he'd never hurt her. When he crouched down next to her and reached for her again, however, Tonks found herself shrinking away from him, unwilling to feel anyone's hands on her.

"Dora..." He started, voice agonized, hoarse. "What happened to you?"

He was pleading with her, his eyes and tone begging her to tell him what happened, and yet she couldn't, she wouldn't. She realized, idly, that this was the first time he'd spoken since they were in the alleyway, but felt indifferent towards that fact.

She felt indifferent towards everything.

"It's fine." She surprised herself by saying. "I'm fine."

It was a blatant lie, an obvious one, yet she felt no remorse for what she'd said. She felt nothing again, except fatigue and a profuse desire to be alone.

"You're not fine, Nymphadora-" He started, looking at her with such concern she almost felt bad for what she said next. Almost.

"I said I'm fine, Remus." She snapped.

He blinked at her. "You're obviously not-"

"I'M FINE! I'm just in shock or whatever, that's all. I'm _fine_."

He furrowed his brow, looking frustrated, but his tone was still soft, troubled. "Don't lie to me, Nympha-"

"Don't call me that." She hissed venomously.

"Then tell me what's wrong." He said, voice a bit stronger this time.

Suddenly she was desperate to be alone. She wasn't sure why, or what she wanted to do once left alone, but she was sure that she wanted to be by herself. She didn't want him there, not while she was so vulnerable, not after what'd happened. Besides, he wouldn't want her anyway, not after everything.

As the desire to be left alone overtook her she felt herself shouting. "Nothing's wrong! I just want to be left ALONE!"

Lupin looked taken aback by her sudden outburst, and for a moment Tonks thought she saw hurt flicker through his eyes, but his tone was level and sincere when he spoke. "I don't want to leave you like this."

"I don't care what you want." She spat, voice cold and harsh. "I want to be alone. Respect that, if nothing else."

The unmistakable look of hurt on his face came close to making her cave in. "I-I just care-" He stuttered.

"If you cared about me you'd leave me alone!" She interrupted, knowing her words were hurting him yet not caring. "Damn it, Remus, I don't want to see you right now!"

He looked as if she'd hit him. "If-if that's what you want." The hurt was even more pronounced in his voice, his face, his eyes.

Yet Tonks only wanted to be alone, and she wasn't about to stop there. "It is." She said coldly.

He slowly stood up, as if hoping she'd stop him and ask him to stay, before heading to the door of the bathroom and then turning back to her. "I'll-I'll see you tomorrow, then? At the Burrow? For Bill's birthday dinner?"

His hesitation around her, as if he was afraid she'd yell at him, made her feel horribly guilty for a moment, but her voice came out just as venomous and callous as ever.

"Sure, Remus. Whatever." She heard herself say, wondering why she was being so horrible yet feeling immensely relieved when, after one last hurt look and a sharp nod, he turned and walked out of the hallway and out of her flat.

The second she heard her front door click shut, it was as if a switch went off. All the feelings she'd been suppressing since it had happened, all the pain and hurt and disgust she'd been fighting off suddenly came crashing down upon her. Within seconds tears were running down her face and she was sobbing, gasping for breath, curling into a ball on the bathroom floor.

Tonks didn't know how long she sat there, since Remus'd left, crying. It could have been days, hours, _years_, even, but she just sat, feeling an immense sadness wash over her. She felt disgusted, dirty, foolish, naïve, guilty, scared...every negative feeling she'd ever had, even when she was a kid and her favorite cousin disappeared - every negative feeling she'd had could not compare with this.

She cried because she felt violated, dirty, unclean, tarnished, impure.

She cried because she could still feel _his_ hot breath and wet kisses and rough hands and lecherous stare.

She cried because she felt disgusted with what had happened, because she could still taste _his_ tobacco and fire-whiskey breath, because she could still feel_ his _hand forcing itself between her legs.

She cried because she'd been so cruel to Remus, who was only trying to help; because he'd never want her, not now, not after what _he'd _done; because things had just been looking up with him and now she'd driven him away.

She cried because she hurt, physically, everywhere; because she could feel bruises all over her arms where _his _hands had been; because she knew she'd forever have a scar that read whore; because she knew she'd never feel comfortable without clothes on ever again.

She cried because she didn't ever want to be touched again; because she wasn't sure she'd ever feel comfortable with another man; because she couldn't trust anyone, not even herself.

She cried because she didn't feel safe, even in her warded flat, and because she knew that no matter what, she'd never feel safe again, not really.

Eventually she cried to the point where she felt lightheaded, skull pounding and throat throbbing around a huge, painful lump. She was completely and utterly exhausted and drained, yet she could not sleep.

The second Tonks felt herself drifting off, her dreams were filled with _him_..._his_ scent, _his_ taste, _his_ hands, _his_ pain. She'd barely closed her eyes when they snapped open again. She knew she couldn't relax, so she stood up, on stiff, sore limbs, and turned on the shower.

Tonks felt anxiety grip her as she locked the bathroom door, though she knew she was already locked in her warded flat. She carefully peeled off her clothes and jumped into the shower the second she had, feeling raw and exposed without anything on even though there was nobody there to see her.

Once in the shower, she tried to let the hot water relax her muscles as it once did, but even as the heat and steam washed the dirt and dried blood off her, her muscles did not relax and she did not feel clean. She scrubbed at her skin, rubbing it raw, using all her soap - but she did not feel clean.

It was when she stepped out of the shower expecting, hoping, _praying _to have that clean, after-shower feeling and still didn't feel clean that she lost it again.

Tonks once more began to cry, not sure how she had so many tears. She felt fear overtake her, this time fear of never feeling pure, clean, or whole again. She felt fear so intense her hands went numb and her breathing became sporadic. She felt herself sob, hyperventilate, anything...and it did nothing and suddenly she was desperate.

Tonks tried to get out of her bathroom for many moments before remembering she'd locked the door. She burst into her room and threw on jeans, a tank top, a jumper, and some robes. She put on her shoes and tied them with shaking hands, sending a drying charm at her hair after grabbing her wand, which had somehow ended up on the table by her door. With a pang, she realized Lupin must've left it for her, but she didn't have time to think about him; she had to go.

Tonks knew she was no longer crying yet felt lightheaded as she stepped outside her flat and began to walk to a disapparation point around the corner, still quaking slightly but not giving herself a chance to pause. It was only when she got there that she realized she had no idea where she was headed.

Tonks looked at her watch and realized that, though it felt much later, it was only 4:00am. She'd thought to go to her parents, on instinct...she wanted her bed, her room, the smell of her house, her mum and dad. Yet if she showed up hysterical at their doorstep at four in the morning, she knew they'd have questions - questions she was not prepared to answer.

She didn't want to tell them what had happened...they understood that, as an Auror, she had missions, and they knew about the Order, so she could tell them she'd been on a mission for Dumbledore. But they'd know - her mum especially - that something was wrong. And she could not bring herself to tell them what had happened, how he'd touched her, how she was no longer clean...she couldn't bear to share her shame with them.

And Tonks knew she couldn't go to Grimmauld, because Sirius would know something was wrong, and he'd tell her mum. Besides, that was where Remus would be, and she was not going to think about that, about him, about what he might suspect or about how she'd hurt him.

It only took an instant longer for her to think of where to go. A second and a crack later, she'd disapparated to her second home - the Burrow. Yes, it was four in the morning and yes, she would have to explain herself to Molly, and yet...she didn't feel as horrified at the idea of telling Molly. Why, she had no clue, but she needed someone and had nobody else to go to.

~ o0o ~

Remus Lupin apparated to Number 12, Grimmauld Place and barely made it through the front door before collapsing onto the steps right inside. It was at least 2:00 in the morning by then, he was sure. He'd left Dora's, as she'd asked, minutes before, and then he'd stopped near the alleyway to find the Carrows and Avery gone. He wasn't particularly surprised...when he'd left them there and taken Dora home, as she'd asked, he knew he was running the risk of letting them go. But he couldn't make her wait to go home, not when she'd seemed so broken, so fragile...

And then she'd ordered him away. Just like that.

_If you cared about me you'd leave me alone, _she'd said. How could he have left her, though? She'd looked so weak, so vulnerable...the last thing he'd wanted to do was leave her.

_Damn it, Remus, I don't want to see you right now! _She'd yelled, and he'd believed it, too.

So he'd left. Left her alone in her flat. He'd left her wand on the table, redone the wards...yet he'd left her. It still didn't feel right, even if it was what she wanted.

But maybe it was because he'd tried to kiss her earlier...had he crossed a line? He'd been so sure she'd wanted to kiss him, just as he'd wanted to kiss her...Sirius had been saying so for months, and she'd seemed so comfortable then, so happy. Her hair was pink, was it not? So what had changed? Why did she suddenly want nothing to do with him? Did she-

"What happened?"

Remus jumped about a meter and grabbed his wand before he found that it was Sirius who was staring at him, brow furrowed in concern.

"We were attacked by Death Eaters." Remus sighed once he'd put his wand back in his belt loop.

"WHAT? By who? Where's Dora? Is she okay?" Sirius demanded, sounding thoroughly panicked.

"She's at her flat. It was Avery, Gibbon, the Carrows, Crabbe, Goyle, Jugson, Nott, and Rowle. All but Jugson and Nott got away. They attacked us in the middle of a bar and the Ministry was called, but we still couldn't catch them. The Ministry will no doubt try to cover it up." Remus stated in a monotone.

"It's not your fault." Sirius said immediately. Remus was aware that Sirius knew what he was thinking, that he was blaming himself...

"I know." Remus lied. "But I promised-I promised to keep Dora safe. And I don't know what happened to her. She's alive, in her flat, now, but we got separated, and when I found her she was acting...strange."

Sirius studied him for a moment, remaining admirably calm despite his best friend's confession, before saying, "Define strange."

Remus sighed, running a hand through his hair. "She was...quiet. Numb. Dazed. I'd expected her to be cursing them, angry, or sobbing, or making jokes, but she was just...silent."

Sirius didn't look half as worried as Remus felt. "In shock, I suppose." He diagnosed with a shrug. "I wouldn't worry about it. She's safe now, you're safe. We'll have to contact Dumbledore, but for now just get some rest."

Remus sighed again, unconvinced. She'd fought before, so shock didn't make complete sense, but what else could it be? He was far too tired to think just then, so he said, "All right."

He collapsed onto his bed after a quick shower, feeling more exhausted than after most full moons, yet he was unable to sleep.

Dora's image, small and pale and curled into a ball, kept running through his mind. The way she jumped away from his touch. Her cold, indifferent stare. Her tears. The fear in her eyes.

He had an idea of what might have happened, but he hoped beyond hope he was wrong, overreacting, reading into things - he had to be.

~ o0o ~

Nymphadora Tonks felt very foolish when she knocked on the front door of the Burrow at four in the morning, rattling off facts about herself in a hoarse voice to prove she was genuine, but when the door was thrown open and Molly Weasley saw Tonks' face, she did not hesitate. Within moments, Tonks found herself being enveloped into the woman's arms, and though she was finicky with touch, she was glad to have Molly just then.

"Oh, Tonks, dear, what happened?" Molly asked, worry clear in her face.

"Nothing, nothing." Tonks choked out, stifling the urge to resume sobbing.

"Dear, what's happened? Is Remus all right? Did something go wrong on your mission?" Molly asked, still patting Tonks' back as she flicked her wand at the door and shut it behind them.

At the mention of Remus, the tears streaming down Tonks' face began to fall even more rapidly, and she felt Molly leading her into the house. Before she knew it she was sitting bleary-eyed at the table in the homey kitchen of the Burrow, a cup of tea in hand.

"He's fine." She managed, still struggling trying to keep herself calm.

"What happened?" Molly asked again, taking the cup from Tonks' hands since they were shaking too violently for her to hold it.

"We-we were attacked. Death Eaters." Tonks said in a voice that lurched and shook.

Molly's eyes grew wide. "Oh, my!" She exclaimed.

Tonks nodded, but she couldn't keep her voice steady enough to string together a full sentence. "There were...so many of them...we-we got separated..."

"Who, dear? You and Remus?"

Tonks nodded weakly before continuing, more tears seeping past her screwed-shut eyes. "I-I couldn't fight back...he used the Cruciatus...wanted to know about Grimmauld..."

"But you couldn't tell him anything, could you?" Molly said, more to herself than to Tonks.

Tonks nodded again. "Wouldn't have anyway...but he...he said...said he knew how to...how to break me...and then he...then he...he..." She couldn't say more so she just stopped, finally letting herself sob, not sure what she'd say even if she could make her words form a sentence.

It seemed, however, like she didn't need to say more. Molly's eyes had gone wide and she looked white. "He...he forced himself...upon you?"

Tonks choked out, "He...he tried...but…Remus...came...before he...before he could..."

Molly just nodded, though, and Tonks didn't have to finish, because Molly hugged her instead, rocking her back and forth just as Tonks' own mother would have done.

"Does Remus know, dear?" She asked gently, seeming to sense that Tonks wouldn't have told him.

Tonks shook her head, feeling ashamed, though she hadn't even told Molly what she'd said to him. "I don't think I'll ever...feel all right again." She managed.

Molly squeezed her harder. "Do you need to go to St. Mungo's?" She asked.

Tonks considered Molly's question. _Did _she? She hadn't been raped, not really...Molly could heal her bruises, probably, and the blood, her cut...and the thought of telling this all to a healer, of explaining what'd happened, of having to remove her clothing...

"No." She heard herself say. "I just...just have bruises...and a cut...it's not that bad, really, I just can't have a scar..."

Molly seemed confused but just kept holding Tonks until all her tears were once again used up, leaving her with a giant headache and an inability to cry any further. When she finally sat up and rubbed her eyes she pretended not to notice that Molly's eyes were a bit red as well.

"I'm sorry, Molly." Tonks said weakly. "I didn't mean to wake you so early and everything-"

"Nonsense." Molly said quickly. "Now, dear, let me heal your wounds, and then you can sleep here."

Tonks blinked, wondering how Molly knew she didn't want to be alone or go to Grimmauld, but just nodded. Normally she'd feel bad for imposing, especially on Molly, but not this morning.

Tonks allowed Molly to lead her to Ginny's room, which had a flowery scent and Quidditch posters all over it. It reminded Tonks of a cleaner version of her own childhood bedroom, and it was warm and light was just streaming in from the windows. Molly, once in the room, turned to Tonks with an apologetic smile.

"I'll have to ask you to take your jumper off, Tonks." She said softly, sensing Tonks' hesitancy to remove her clothes.

Tonks took a deep breath and nodded, taking off her robes and jumper. As she lifted her arms over her head, she realized just how sore her whole body had become, and when she put the jumper on Ginny's bed and turned back to Molly she caught sight of her own arms and gasped.

She'd guessed she'd have bruises, but nothing could've prepared her for what she found. Large, ugly, purple-blue marks covered her arms, which looked more slender and pale than usual in contrast to them. They were in the obvious shapes of hands - she could see how he'd been holding her down because of them. And there, on her chest, was the cut, which had finally stopped bleeding but still took the distinct form of the word. _Whore._

She met Molly's eyes reluctantly and wished she hadn't. The older woman's gaze was full of a mixture of sympathy and horror. "Oh, Tonks..." She'd said softly.

Tonks felt her eyes fill with tears but just nodded mutely.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to vanish your bruises because there are so many of them, but I can make them stop hurting. We'll just have to wait for them to heal on their own visually." Molly said apologetically.

Tonks nodded, not really minding, as she didn't plan on removing her jumper again once she'd put it back on. Molly waved her wand and Tonks felt the majority of the soreness leave her body, though some remained, she assumed from the Cruciatus Curse.

Then Molly turned to her wound. "I'm afraid dittany only works on open wounds, and since this has shut...I could open it again, to put dittany in it, but then you run the risk of scarring. If I don't open it, it will most likely heal on its own, but again there's the risk of scarring. Either way, it's possible...possible that the wound will never fully heal."

Tonks looked away from Molly to hide her tears. _Never fully heal. _That sounded about right, anyway, but to have a scar..._that _scar? Forever?

"I'll be able to morph over it, I s'pose." Tonks said in a much more casual tone than she felt.

Molly nodded approvingly, apparently grateful that Tonks wasn't breaking down. "Yes, once your body has healed you'll be able to morph again, won't you?"

Tonks nodded. "I'm too weak now...but later, I'll be able to, once it's healed." She took a deep breath before admitting, "But I won't-won't be able to morph over it until it _is _a scar."

Molly hugged her again, communicating more than words could, before leading Tonks to the bed and handing her back her jumper. Tonks pulled it over her head and let Molly take her robes and put them over the chair by the desk in the corner. She then lay under the covers of Ginny's bed, drinking in the flowery smell, trying to relax.

"Try to get some sleep, dear." Molly said as she left the room and shut the door with a quiet click.

Staring at the ceiling, she forced herself to take a deep breath. The room was comfortable, homey, safe...Tonks felt her eyes drifting shut before she could think about what would happen once she was asleep.

_It was cold and dark in the alleyway. Rough, calloused hands tore at her shirt and ripped at her belt, dominating her skin. Hot, moist breath tickled her neck and tobacco and fire-whiskey flavored lips forced a tongue into her mouth. He was pulling her jeans off, down, down, down, and Remus wasn't coming..._

_ But then there he was, just in time, Remus...and he saw her, saw what was happening, but instead of helping her, he looked at her in disgust. When he opened his mouth to speak Avery's voice came out. _

_ "By the time I'm done with you he won't want you anymore." _

Nymphadora Tonks woke up with a scream.

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><p><em>AN: All right, what did you think? Is Tonks overreacting? Under-reacting? How's Remus? Want to hit him for being so easily persuaded to leave Tonks?_

_Sorry for the appalling lack of Remus/Tonks interactions, that'll change next chapter!_

_Also, at the beginning, the shock is not the kind you get after blood loss but rather the psychological reaction to stress. I wasn't sure exactly how to write that; I've been in shock before after a particularly nasty car accident and after emotional trauma but it's a hard feeling to describe. After a lot of thinking I decided on the indifference angle...did it seem believable?_

_Anyway, I'll keep saying it: reviews make my day and help me improve! Takes you a few seconds and leaves me with a lot to think and, hopefully, smile about. _

_Thank you so much for reading, chapter 6 should be up soon!_


	6. Chapter 6: Time to Tell Him

_A/N: Thank you so incredibly much to everyone who read/reviewed the last chapter! It means a lot to me, especially since it's been so dark. This is the last angsty chapter before things get a bit happier, so thanks for sticking with me so far! _

_I don't think I'll be spoiling much when I say that it was hard for me to write the scene where Tonks tells Remus what happened. I rewrote it a million times and settled on this...I hope you like it, or at least can accept why it has to happen the way it does. _

_Chapter 6 is dedicated to Hannah, Fanfiction fan, and StrawberryFields, who left me marvelous reviews on the last chapter but who I couldn't thank with a PM. If you're reading this, thank you so much!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 6-Time to Tell Him<strong>

With the November days darkening into December ones, it was dark yet only early evening when Nymphadora Tonks woke up for the second time that day. She rolled over, feeling sore and wondering why, until suddenly she remembered that she was in Ginny Weasley's room. Just like that, her peaceful, sleepy feeling evaporated and she was left once again feeling sick, tired, and hurt.

She'd woken up at half five in the morning, less than an hour after falling asleep, screaming. She'd been having a nightmare, that much she remembered, and Molly, bless her, hadn't asked what it was about. Instead, she'd given Tonks a dreamless sleep potion and Tonks had slept like a baby, apparently through the day.

Now, as she lay in the quiet, homey Burrow, she wondered idly where everyone was. Part of her wanted to see Molly, Sirius, Bill, or Charlie...but a larger part of her was afraid of seeing people.

And then there was Remus.

Tonks grimaced as she thought of how awful she'd been to him the night before. He'd been concerned, just trying to help, and what had she done? She'd snapped at him, hurt him. He probably thought it had something to do with the fact that he'd tried to kiss her...and as she had this thought, Tonks' heart broke a little bit.

She now knew that Sirius had been right. Remus had fancied her, he'd made that clear. She was tempted to smile as she thought of his gentle touch, his finally expressive eyes, the way he'd held her close, the way he'd looked at her, the way he'd leaned down to her...and then they hadn't kissed, not quite, because of her damn hair.

She knew, deep down, how hard it must've been for Remus to take that step. He'd always been so polite, so reserved; for him to put himself out there must've been huge. And yet he had, and what had she done? She'd snapped at him.

What if he never tried to kiss her again? What if he was too hurt, or thought she didn't like him, or couldn't forgive her for how she'd treated him? She'd deserve it, sure, but that didn't make the idea any more bearable.

But then an even worse thought occurred to her. What if he found out what had happened? What would he think of her then? She sat bolt upright as the memory of her nightmare found her once more. The way he'd looked at her in the dream, the disgust on his face...what if he found out what had happened to her and was disgusted by her? What if _he _was right? What if Remus really wouldn't want her anymore, once he knew what _he _had done?

The thought was too much for Tonks to contemplate. A part of her knew he wouldn't really react that way, and yet how could he see her the same way he had when she was so different now? How could he feel the same way about her now?

Tonks stood up abruptly, mostly to avoid being alone with her thoughts any longer, and stretched, feeling sore even though Molly had tried to help her bruises. Tonks didn't bother removing her jumper - what did it matter? - but instead put her robes on before hugging herself with her arms and stepping cautiously into the empty hallway. She did not want to run into anyone but Molly.

Tonks tiptoed towards the kitchen and, upon arrival, found Molly there cooking, the wireless blaring softly in the background. She recognized a horridly sappy Celestina Warbeck song and smiled slightly - it was so very Molly.

"Wotcher, Molly." She said, surprised at how weak and hoarse her voice sounded from lack of use.

"Tonks, dear!" Molly exclaimed, jumping a bit. "You gave me a fright!"

"Sorry." Tonks muttered quickly.

"No, no, it's quite alright." The older woman said dismissively. "I was just finishing dinner for Bill's party tonight."

"Oh, bugger!" Tonks swore. "I forgot about the party."

Molly nodded at her sympathetically. "He'll understand, of course, if you'd rather not come down for it."

Tonks froze. _He'd understand? _Did he know?

"Er...did you tell him?" She asked, trying to sound nonchalant and failing.

Molly glanced up from the stove sharply. "No, no, I just meant nobody expects you to come, not after everything that's happened. Remus met with Dumbledore to tell him about your mission, so the Order know you've had a rough evening."

"Oh." Tonks breathed, relieved. "Thanks, Molly."

"Quite alright, dear." The woman responded, returning to her cooking. "But I do think that at some point you should tell Remus, and probably Sirius, too."

Tonks' felt her stomach turn to ice at the mention of Remus and telling him. She felt completely vulnerable as it was...it would be so much worse with Remus. Silence fell and Tonks knew Molly expected a response, so she reluctantly conceded, "Er, yeah, I suppose."

"He's worried, you know." Molly mentioned in a falsely casual way.

"Sirius?" Tonks asked, deliberately misunderstanding.

"Remus." Molly corrected. "Though I suspect Sirius is too."

Tonks nodded, fingering the edge of her robes and purposefully avoided Molly's eyes she asked, "Have you...talked to them recently?"

"Yes, Remus sent a patronus this morning." Molly nodded. "He'd gone to check on you and was in a panic when he found your flat empty."

"Oh." Tonks said, feeling guilt wash over her. She was glad, of course, not to have been home...as much as she needed to see Remus and apologize to him, she couldn't do it, not yet. But the image of him panicking upon finding her deserted flat made her want to hang her head in shame.

"Anyway," Molly continued, unaware of Tonks' guilt, "I told him you'd felt ill and came here. I figured you wouldn't want to talk to him until you're ready."

Tonks felt relief and gratitude crash over her. "Thanks, Molly, but...not yet."

"Of course." Molly smiled kindly. She sensed, however, that Tonks did not want to continue discussing it, so she changed the subject. "Now, you're far too thin. I know you'd prefer to stay upstairs, and that's quite all right, but you must eat something!"

Tonks was tempted to smile at Molly's mothering but realized that she had no desire to eat. "I'm not hungry, Molly."

"Nonsense! You haven't eaten in almost 24 hours!" Molly exclaimed. Tonks blinked at her, realizing she was right. She hadn't eaten since dinner the evening before, but the thought of eating was threatening to make her sick.

"I know, but I just...I'm not hungry. I don't want to eat." She said honestly. Her stomach was too full of that awful leaden feeling which had not yet deserted her for there to be any room for food.

Molly studied her suspiciously but finally said, "All right, dear, but take a bowl of soup with you back upstairs, will you? So you can eat if you get hungry?"

"All right." Tonks agreed, though she knew she wouldn't.

She was too upset to eat, too full of fear in the pit of her stomach. She hadn't felt safe or secure since she'd been in Remus' arms the night before, except when she was unconscious and kept that way by the dreamless sleep potion. A part of her longed for that again, for Remus' comfort and security, but another part of her knew that she couldn't get that unless she told him. Unless she was vulnerable with him. And she couldn't bring herself to do that, to face him-

Molly pulled Tonks out of her miserable musings, saying in a hesitant and apologetic voice, "Everyone will be arriving at six, so if you don't want to run into anyone..."

Tonks jumped, checking her watch. It was 5:54pm, and people would be getting there any minute. "I'll head upstairs." She said, grabbing the food Molly'd prepared and hurrying from the kitchen.

She climbed back up the stairs on sore limbs and set the food, untouched, on Ginny's desk before sitting, looking out the window. Tonks rested her head against the cool glass and sighed, feeling melancholy sweeping over her. She didn't realize she was crying until the tears fell to her clasped hands.

Tonks listened despondently as people arrived to the Burrow. First Bill, home from work at Gringotts; then Charlie, who had only recently come home from Romania for a few weeks. She heard a familiar stumping sound and realized Mad-Eye was there, and then she heard Kingsley's booming voice. She listened as Hestia and Emmeline arrived, then Mundungus and finally Arthur. Lastly, she heard an unmistakable bark, signaling the arrival of Sirius as Snuffles, followed by the hoarse voice of Remus Lupin.

Tonks felt her sick as she thought of Remus once more, and her hands suddenly felt jittery as she recalled his hurt eyes and concerned look. The shame of what she'd done, the way she'd spoken to him, continued to make her feel hot with embarrassment and she even took off her jumper before pulling her robes back around herself self-consciously.

As she listened to the laughs and voices below, the sounds of people walking about and greeting each other, and the clinking of silverware against plates, she felt like a child once more, who'd been put in timeout and forced to stay upstairs while others had a party. This time, however, nobody was forcing her to stay there but herself.

~ o0o ~

Remus Lupin looked around the crowded kitchen of the warm and inviting Burrow and found, to his dismay, that Nymphadora Tonks was not among those sitting at the table. While a part of him wanted to believe that Tonks could just be in the restroom, he knew better. If she'd really headed to Molly in the middle of the night, something was wrong. Something serious. He knew, without having to be told, that Tonks would not be coming.

"Lupin!" He heard Mad-Eye bark. "I heard you were attacked on your mission."

Remus turned around and nodded warily. He'd recounted the story of their mission so many times by then, both in paperwork and to Dumbledore and Sirius, that he did not want to relive it any more.

"Yes." He told Mad-Eye, but noticed, to his surprise, that Mad-Eye was not looking at him.

His normal eye was looking around the kitchen and his magical eye was looking up. After a few moments he made a 'hmph' sound and turned back to Remus. "What happened to Nymphadora?"

Remus blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, she's sulking upstairs instead of teasing someone or tripping or causing general havoc down here." Moody growled, and Remus suddenly understood what his magical eye was looking at. "What happened?"

"I-I'm not sure." Remus admitted. "We were separated when we were attacked, and she ended up in an alleyway with Avery and the Carrows. She wouldn't tell me what happened."

Mad-Eye looked dangerous, more so than usual, and he narrowed his eyes. "She wouldn't tell you?"

"No." Remus said, letting the words wash over him.

_She ended up in an alleyway with Avery and the Carrows. She wouldn't tell me what happened. _

"You don't think she was - that they - ?" He asked, mouth very dry, unable to articulate the question.

Mad-Eye opened his mouth to say something but closed it suddenly. A moment later, Molly Weasley placed her hand on Remus' shoulder and Remus realized that Mad-Eye'd seen her coming and stopped talking.

"Remus, dear!" Molly greeted cheerily.

"Molly." Remus nodded politely.

"Alastor!"

"Molly." Moody grumbled, looking at her with both eyes. "Have you spoken to Nymphadora lately?"

"Er - yes. She's fine, just resting." Molly said too quickly, seeming to realize too late that Mad-Eye could see what Tonks was doing anyway.

"Right." He growled skeptically, before stumping away, leaving Remus with Molly.

"Molly?" Remus asked quietly, suddenly feeling uncertain.

"Yes, dear?" Molly asked absently, still watching Mad-Eye's retreating figure.

"I wondered whether Tonks was all right." He said tentatively.

Molly's eyes snapped to him, and she seemed to consider him a moment before speaking. "You know...I don't think she is."

Remus knew all along that it was true, but hearing Molly admit it forced him to confront the fact that something _had _happened, and, despite what he may have hoped, it wasn't something trivial. "What happened?" He asked, feeling fearful.

"You tell me!" Molly said, suddenly fierce, pulling him by the elbow into the living room so as not to be overheard.

Remus furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

Molly sighed frustratedly. "I mean, I hoped you'd know! She came here at four in the morning, completely hysterical. I couldn't get a sensible word out of her! And when I finally did...well, let's just say I didn't get a whole story, just a few phrases and I put two and two together! What happened to you?"

As Remus heard Molly's explanation, the heavy feeling in his stomach that he'd had since finding her in the alleyway intensified. _Completely hysterical. _He felt guiltier than ever for leaving her alone while she had been so upset.

Remus took a deep breath. "We...we were separated. We were caught off-guard. They were onto us, through our disguises, and we had no idea...they came out of nowhere, all of a sudden, and there were so many of them - Crabbe, Gibbon, Goyle, Jugson, Nott, Avery and Rowle - I don't know how, but we got separated."

He ran a hand through his graying hair. "It was chaos, Molly, like in the last war. We were surrounded by innocent bystanders, none of whom had seen what had happened or knew who was a friend and who was an enemy. A few people stepped in to help, others got the women out...I didn't think we were going to make it for a few moments.

"I stunned a couple, I think Nymphadora did, too, and then suddenly she was missing and someone had contacted the Ministry and the Aurors were arriving. I had no idea where she'd gone, and then I noticed that Avery was gone, too. As the Aurors arrived, the Death Eaters who weren't stunned disapparated, but I'd been seen as the man fighting them and by the time the bloody Aurors and bartenders and everyone left me alone it'd been - I don't know - an hour, at least?

"I finally got away from them and I had no idea how to find her. I mean, Avery had disapparated with her, hadn't he? And I didn't want to think about it, so I turned on the spot and I ended up in this alleyway." Saying it out loud made Remus feel very foolish. Had he really just blindly apparated? _That's love and desperation, for you_, he thought to himself.

He shook his head, continuing the story. "The Carrows were there, Avery and Nymphadora, too. I stunned them and by the time I got to her, she was on the ground. I had no idea what happened to her. There were no visible wounds, Molly, just a cut on her shoulder, at least that's where the blood on her shirt was. She seemed in shock, sure, but not hurt." He recalled, still seeing her as she'd been in his mind's eye.

"She asked me to take her home. I did. She didn't seem able to walk, so I carried her. We got inside and I tried to take off her cloak to heal her wounds and she freaked out and pushed me away. She yelled at me to leave her be, to go away...I tried to argue with her, tell her I didn't want to leave her like that, but she kept on screaming at me to leave, saying she didn't want to see me, and I had to respect her wishes, didn't I?" He finished slowly, contemplating his own words. He knew, on the surface, that leaving her like that was a bad idea. But when she'd begged him as she had? When she'd asked him to respect her wishes?

He was pulled from his thoughts by Molly's hand on his arm. "Don't feel bad, Remus. If she asked you to leave, it's probably best that you did. But she didn't tell you anything about what happened to her?"

Remus shook his head, slightly ashamed. "I asked her, but she wouldn't tell me."

"She'll be okay, in time..." Molly murmured, looking wistfully out of the windows. Seeing her so unsure made Remus feel even more uncertain.

"What happened, Molly?" He asked quietly, tone more serious this time. It was clear that he was not asking her so much as demanding that she tell him.

"I'm-I'm not sure I should tell you, Remus. She asked me not to." Molly said apologetically.

Remus felt his stomach plummet. _Does she not trust me?_

Molly must have read his expression, because she said, "She'll talk to you when she's ready."

This did nothing to ease Remus' concern, however, and he found himself urgently asking, "Is she hurt? Did she at least let you look at that cut?"

"The _cut, _yes." Molly spat in a venomous tone Remus had never heard before. "I saw it. A scar, unless she's lucky, but I didn't have the heart to tell her that."

Remus felt his brow furrow. "Couldn't you heal it magically?"

"No. It was not made by a sharp object, but by dark magic." Molly said in a low voice. "Again, I didn't want to be the one to say anything-"

"Dark magic?" Remus choked.

Molly nodded gravely. "It's a very..._specific_ cut."

"Specific as in deliberate?"

"Yes."

"She was tortured."

"Among other things."

Confirmation, it seemed, managed to make everything worse. _Among other things. _

Remus felt his hands begin to shake as he realized - or rather had confirmed - what had happened. "Where is she?"

His low and dangerous tone startled Molly into gasping, "What?"

"I know she's here, Molly." Remus said in a tone that was deliberately controlled. "Where is she?"

Molly looked a bit nervous as she said, "Remus, I think it might be best if you just gave her some time to-"

"Damn it, Molly, I've got to see her!" Remus cried, feeling himself lose control. He had to see her, if it was true and she was - he couldn't think of her being tortured. It hurt too much. "Where is she?" He demanded.

Molly looked at him with a very appraising gaze for a few moments before seeming to decide something. "She's upstairs, in Ginny's room."

Remus closed his eyes for a moment, readying himself before nodding. "Thank you, Molly." He said curtly, before turning, leaving the room, and heading up the stairs without a backwards glance.

~ o0o ~

Nymphadora Tonks was sitting, cheek pressed to the window pane, staring absently at the stars, when a hand was placed on her shoulder.

The effect was instantaneous. She jumped about a meter, recoiling, letting out a half-scream-half-sob as she did so, reaching blindly and wildly for her wand. Her heart felt as if it was not beating separate beats but rather humming one long, consistent one as she turned to face the person who'd silently entered the room.

Her anxiety only settled a small bit when she realized that the man who had grabbed her shoulder was Remus Lupin. Tonks suddenly became aware of her tear-stained cheeks and mousy-brown hair, but was too exhausted to do anything about them. She hadn't tried to morph since she'd reverted to her normal appearance upon being attacked in the bar the night before, and she knew her body was too weak just then anyway.

Instead, she tried to calm the flood of emotions at seeing him and work up a smile, but she found herself unable to do so. She instinctively tightened her robes around herself and offered him a slightly apologetic look, but he was staring at her with a set expression that sent a shiver down her spine. It was not just his proximity - which was close enough that she could easily reach out and touch him - but also his eyes; he was wearing a look she'd never seen before.

His gaze was fixed and determined. It was not quite cold, for there was a sympathetic, almost pitying edge to it, but it was set, measured, strong. When he spoke, it was with the air of someone trying very hard to control their tone.

"What happened to you?" He asked levelly.

Unlike the night before, his voice was forceful this time, almost commanding. Tonks knew he expected and _deserved_ an answer. She knew he probably already suspected part of the truth, and she knew, more than ever before, that it was time to tell him.

Tonks took a deep breath and looked up at him, feeling her eyes filling with tears, knowing her gaze must be pleading but not caring. She knew he had a right to know, a need to know. She knew _she _needed him to know, if not for his sake than for hers. And yet, as she looked at him, she wasn't sure she could say it.

She tried to tell him, with her eyes, tried to not be forced to say it. But he just stood there, looking at her, silently demanding an answer.

Tonks opened her mouth but when she tried to speak nothing came out. She felt too ashamed, too embarrassed - both of what had happened and how she'd treated him the night before. And she knew she had to make up for it, to tell him, and yet she _couldn't_. She couldn't do it. She was too afraid of his reaction, too terrified that he'd be disgusted by it, by her-

Lupin interrupted her thoughts when, after moments of silence, he said softly, "Molly says you have a scar."

Tonks looked away immediately, wondering if Molly had given him details, half-hoping she had. At least then Tonks wouldn't have to explain. But at the same time, the thought of him knowing about the scar, what it represented-

"Where is it?" His voice was a bit harsher this time, but still characteristically gentle.

Tonks shook her head as she felt the first tears leave her eyes and slip down her face as they so often had the past day. She wanted desperately to be able to say something, but her voice failed her.

"Nymphadora-" He all but growled.

"Don't call me that." She snapped in a scratchy voice, eyes widening when she realized she'd spoken. She could've sworn she saw Remus smile a bit, but when she looked up his gaze was still determined, face still set.

"Where is it?" He repeated, taking a step towards her.

Tonks felt her eyes widen in surprise and fear.

"Show me, Dora." It was not a request. It was a command.

Tonks closed her eyes in defeat. He deserved to know, he did, and it was time. She couldn't put it off any longer. She took a deep breath and stood, glad that she was no longer wearing her jumper and instead just the robes over her camisole. With shaking hands she pulled her robes open and down on the left to reveal the scar, the word, carved into her pale skin. _Whore._

She looked away from Lupin and off to the side, unable to meet his gaze as he watched her. Tonks closed her eyes against the tears that were threatening to surface again and managed to choke, "I'll never feel clean again, Remus."

Tonks thought, in the moments of silence that followed, that she had never felt so exposed and vulnerable in her life. Even when _he_'d been 'breaking her' she hadn't felt so much like a child, so raw and naked.

She thought, idly, that it was probably because she actually cared what Remus thought, while that scumbag meant nothing to her. But that only made the tension worse as she waited, breath held, for his response.

After what seemed like ages but was probably only a few seconds he managed, "He didn't - you weren't - did he?"

She laughed bitterly. "Is it really so hard for everyone to say?"

Anger welled up inside her again, for what she wasn't sure, but she turned to face him only to feel shaken by his face. He looked truly stunned, horrified, and she realized that she hadn't clarified.

"No, he didn't rape me. He was well on his way to when the Cruciatus didn't work, but you came first." She realized too late how venomous her tone was, how cruel she was being to him once again.

Why was it that she was so callous when all he was trying to do was help? Why did she have to snap at him? Tonks brought a hand to her face as she stifled the sob that she felt bursting from somewhere deep within as she saw his hurt, haunted face.

"I'm sorry, Remus, I didn't mean that, I just - it was my fault, all my fault! I blew our cover, I was so weak, I wasn't on my guard, it was so easy for them. I should've-I should've fought harder, and now I've ruined-ruined everything, Remus, and I'm so, so sorry." She choked, tripping over her own words as she tried to make things right.

To her intense relief, she saw Remus' gaze turn from horrified to sympathetic, or at least she thought she did, and he started to reach out for her as she sank back into her moon-lit chair. With another sob she shrugged slightly and let the robe fall away as she sat down.

Tonks waited for his touch but it never came. Instead, she heard his sharp intake of breath and realized, too late, that the bruises, the ones that looked like_ his_ hands, which had only intensified during the day, were now being illuminated by the stars.

When she looked up, Remus was standing mid-reach, looking at her in horror. He pulled his hand back, curling it into a fist, saying, "Tonks...I-I think it would be best if I was alone for a bit."

Every fear she'd had about his reaction came true in that instant.

He stopped reaching for her.

He called her _Tonks_.

He wanted to be alone.

Without bothering to say anything or even nod, Tonks grabbed her wand and turned on the spot, barely making it past the wards and into her flat before crumbling to the ground, finally giving into sobs, his raw and horrified face fresh in her mind.

Avery was right.

He didn't want her anymore.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I would very much like it if nobody killed Remus - he's sort of essential in the next couple chapters. Plus, it's his birthday Saturday! Please stop sharpening the pitch forks, he'll explain himself quickly, and you can probably guess his reasons for needing a moment. _

_I didn't really want to end the chapter here, as it seems so dramatic, but it was, sadly, the best stopping point before the next chapter, since the next one is almost entirely a conversation between Remus and Tonks. And comforting Remus finally makes an appearance!_

_Anyway, apologies for the cruel ending! As always, reviews are very, very much appreciated. If you're not too angry with me, that is ;)_

_Thanks for reading!_


	7. Chapter 7: Making Things Right

_A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who read & reviewed last chapter! It means more to me than I can articulate (though I seem to try a lot). _

_Finally a happy-ish chapter! After all of that angst, it was bound to happen some time (if only at the end). _

_This chapter starts before Remus and Tonks' conversation in Ginny's room and is the same scenario from his POV. He had to explain himself somehow, didn't he?_

_Chapter 7 is dedicated to Hannah, StrawberryFields, Fanfiction fan, and MAD4moony7, who left wonderful reviews on the last chapter but who I couldn't PM to thank. Thanks so much for the feedback!_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7 - Making Things Right<strong>

Remus Lupin climbed the stairs towards Ginny Weasley's room slowly, preparing himself to talk to Nymphadora Tonks. He knew he had to be strong for her, but a part of him wanted nothing more than to find Avery and rip him limb from limb.

How had he not seen the signs that she'd been tortured? Was he really so naïve as to think she was just in shock? Or, worse, had he really known what'd happened all along but been too afraid to accept it? He shook his head at himself as he opened the bedroom door as quietly as possible and approached Tonks.

The sight of her threatened to break his heart.

She was sitting, staring dazedly out of the window, tears staining her face, wearing a large purple robe and looking far too small and weak to be an Auror, let alone a member of a secret evil-fighting society.

He watched her for a moment before hesitantly placing his hand on her shoulder. She immediately jumped about a meter, reaching around herself for her wand, he assumed, recoiling from him, making a whimpering sound that made him flinch.

He'd frightened her horribly, no doubt. She seemed to calm a bit when she saw it was him, but she still clutched her robes around herself tightly, defensively. When she looked up at him and tried to smile, he felt his heart break a little more. She was completely natural - not morphed at all - and she was beautiful, despite the tear stains.

When she looked at him apologetically, for what, he wasn't sure, he reminded himself why he was there. He needed answers. He needed to know what had happened, and why she hadn't told him, and whether or not she trusted him or felt the same way or_ anything_ - he just needed to know.

"What happened to you?" He asked her as levelly as possible.

She took a deep breath and looked up at him, and he felt his resolve shake when her gaze met his. Her eyes were pleading, full of tears, begging him not to make her say anything. He'd never seen her as a child, like many others had, until that moment. But she, for once, seemed young and child-like as she gazed at him, so vulnerable and raw and pleading. She looked as if she couldn't say it, whatever it was, and yet he needed to know.

So it broke his heart, but he stood there, waiting for her to speak, knowing she didn't want to but knowing he needed her to. He waited patiently as Tonks opened her mouth, but she didn't seem capable of saying anything and her voice instead died in her throat.

He felt himself soften a bit at her attempt and decided to help her by quietly prompting, "Molly says you have a scar."

The effect was instantaneous; she immediately avoided his eyes and Remus knew he'd hit a nerve.

"Where is it?" He asked, voice a bit harsher than he expected.

Tonks still did not look at him, but Remus saw some tears sliding down her face and wanted to give in right there. He hated to see her cry; she almost never did. The fact that she was crying now, however, only made him more determined to figure out what had happened.

"Nymphadora-" He started, the pain causing his voice to be gruffer than he meant it to be.

"Don't call me that." She snapped, on reflex, before widening her eyes when she realized she'd spoken.

Remus almost smiled. In retrospect, it was brilliant - she always responded if she heard her first name. But he was too determined to laugh just then.

"Where is it?" He asked, stepping towards her. "Show me, Dora."

Her eyes widened almost imperceptibly with fear, and he once again almost backed down just then, seeing her scared. But she closed her eyes, stood up, and, with the air of someone doing something excruciatingly unpleasant, opened her robes and pulled them down on the left to reveal a mark. At first glance it was a rectangular red spot, but when he looked closer at it he felt his heart stop.

There, in between her left collar bone and breast, carved into her perfect, soft, porcelain skin, were five letters. _Whore._

She was looking away from him, eyes still screwed shut, and he saw more tears leak past as she managed to choke, "I'll never feel clean again, Remus."

In the moments that followed it was all Remus could do to keep himself from doing some very inappropriate things. His first thought, first instinct, was to get Sirius and go find Avery. He wanted nothing more than to hurt him for what he'd done to Dora, to _his _Dora, to someone so perfect and pure and innocent and sweet. He felt himself shaking with anger but knew he had to be there for her, for Dora, and knew his silence was probably hurting her.

So he took a deep breath and managed, in a tone surprisingly controlled, "He didn't - you weren't - did he?"

Her bitter laugh startled him. "Is it really so hard for everyone to say?" She spat, glancing back at him angrily.

He felt his insides drop, but it _was_. It _was _hard to say. He couldn't imagine, couldn't let himself think - and yet there she was, telling him what happened, and he still couldn't let himself accept that she'd been-

"No, he didn't rape me." She said after a moment, seeming to realize the conclusion Remus'd drawn. The first bit of relief set in before she continued, "He was well on his way to when the Cruciatus didn't work, but you came first."

The relief pouring through him was gone so quickly it was as if it hadn't been there to begin with.

_He didn't rape her_, Remus reminded himself quickly, _he didn't rape her, but he did hurt her. He tried to. He was going to. He would have. _

Remus forced himself to let go of the rage inside him and focus on the present. She was angry again, hurt, and he was standing there, useless.

He watched, pained, as she brought a hand to her face to stifle a sob and began to speak quickly, desperately. "I'm sorry, Remus, I didn't mean that, I just...it was my fault, all my fault! I blew our cover, I was so weak, I wasn't on my guard...it was so easy for them. I should've-I should've fought harder..." She was saying.

Remus felt himself wilt at her words - how could she blame herself? He began to reach for her just as she said, "And now I've ruined-ruined everything, and Remus...I'm so, so sorry." She sank back towards the chair behind her, shrugging off her robes as she did so.

Remus stopped mid-reach as the moonlight from the window hit her pale skin. There, all over her slender, shaking arms, were ugly, purple bruises in the shapes of Avery's hands.

_He was well on his way to_, she'd said.

Remus felt his stomach churn as her words were brought back to him.

_When the Cruciatus didn't work..._

She'd been tortured, with the Cruciatus Curse, and now, as he saw her bruises, a much more graphic image of what had happened to her formed in his mind, and Remus felt anger akin to nothing he'd ever experienced before bubbling inside of him.

He didn't realize he'd sucked in a sharp breath until Tonks glanced up at him. He felt his hands curl into fists as he thought, more and more, about the pain Avery'd caused her, the hurt, the wounds. He knew that it was a matter of seconds before he'd explode, be upset, be overcome by the infinite number of emotions he'd just been presented with - and he didn't want her to see his anger, his pain, his guilt, when she needed him to be strong.

How he managed to say, "Tonks...I-I think it would be best if I was alone for a bit," was a mystery to him in that moment, but manage to say it he did. She got up and grabbed her wand and disapparated just as the dam broke.

The second she disappeared Remus let out a long string of curses he'd never once said before and probably wouldn't ever say again. He wasn't sure what possessed him to begin pacing, or how he managed to not break anything in Ginny's room. He didn't know how he managed not to hit something, as he wanted to, or how his hands had found their way to his hair, which he was tugging at.

There were too many emotions running through him for him to sort through in the moments that followed. First and foremost was anger, protectiveness, _fury_ that erupted within him in a way it almost never did.

It was the same anger he'd felt when he thought Sirius'd betrayed James and Lily and killed Peter. The same anger as when Sirius'd told Snape how to get past the whomping willow fifth year. The same anger as when Dolores Umbridge had passed her first round of anti-werewolf legislation.

He was furious - beyond furious, _livid_ - at Avery for hurting her. Furious that he'd seemed to have, in the span of an hour, robbed her of her youthfulness, her happiness, her lighthearted joy and her zest for life.

More painful than the anger, however, was the guilt. It set in after he'd calmed down a bit, after he'd stopped clutching at his own hair and realized that anger would get him nowhere. The guilt set in quickly afterwards, and he sunk onto Ginny's bed, his head falling to his hands.

He'd promised - both himself and Sirius - to keep her safe. He'd failed her. He was supposed to protect her, supposed to be on his guard, not flirting with her. Had he not been dancing with her, would they have been attacked? Probably not. Had he gotten to her quicker, had he fought harder, had he not let them get separated - he'd failed her as a partner.

And then there was the pain, the sorrow, the fear, the hurt. She hadn't trusted him with it, and he could deny it all he wanted, but that _hurt. _It hurt to think she couldn't be vulnerable with him, but he knew she just needed time, space...and there was the sorrow, that she'd had to go through that, that she'd been in so much pain, that she'd lost her ability to be bubbly. And then the pain, the pain of seeing her cry, of seeing her hurt, of seeing her wounded and scarred and everything he'd never wanted for her. He loved her more than he could comprehend, and seeing her so hurt...it was physically painful.

But then, after he'd calmed himself down, the worst idea of all struck him. Rational thought returned and he realized, all too late, what she must have thought. She'd seemed so ashamed to tell him, to show him the scar, to explain...she seemed ashamed and vulnerable, and what had he done? He'd sent her away. He cursed himself even more loudly, realizing what his reaction must have seemed like to her.

Suddenly he had to see her, had to explain himself, had to make her understand why it was he needed to be alone. She must've thought he'd not wanted to be with her or something, and he had to find her, before he'd ruined things, before it was too late.

Remus took the stairs back to the kitchen two at a time, bursting through the door just as everyone was sitting down to eat. Sirius and Molly looked up at him expectantly, only to seem put out when they saw that he was alone.

Without saying a word to either of them, Remus dashed forward and grabbed his cloak, which had his wand, and moved towards the door to disapparate.

"Remus, dear?" Molly asked, looking at him confusedly.

"Terribly sorry, Molly, but I've got to go." He said hurriedly before turning to Bill. "Happy birthday, Bill, in case I don't see you later on." Bill nodded at him, no doubt baffled, but Remus just smiled slightly and turned and darted out the door.

"Remus! Remus, wait!" He heard Molly call.

He strode a few paces before reluctantly stopping and waiting. Sure enough, she bustled out of the door a moment later.

"What happened?" She panted, not bothering to mask her concern.

Feeling desperate to leave as soon as possible Remus cut to the chase. "Tonks went home and I need to see her."

"She _what_?" Molly all but shrieked.

"She went home." Remus repeated, starting to bounce on the balls of his feet, not wanting to waste any more time talking to Molly. "She doesn't understand, I've made a huge mistake. She-she misunderstood, she thinks..." He muttered, wondering exactly what she thought. That he thought she wasn't _pure _now? "Oh, Merlin, I just have to see her, I have to explain!" He blabbered, wanting desperately to disapparate.

Molly looked too stunned to speak, no doubt because of his lack of control.

"I'll come by later, okay? Once she's all right again, I've just got to explain..." Remus started, begging Molly with his eyes to let him go.

She nodded, mouth slightly agape, and it was all the permission Remus needed. He gave her a nod and turned on the spot, thinking of Dora's flat.

When Remus arrived he wasted no time in undoing the wards on her door. He opened it silently, entered, and closed it behind him with a soft click. He stood stock-still for a moment before hearing her in the bathroom.

Remus approached the door and cursed himself when he heard her sobbing on the other side. He'd made her cry, caused her pain, hurt her further...he shook his head at himself, raised his fist, took a deep breath, and prepared to make things right.

~ o0o ~

Nymphadora Tonks had spent a few moments on the floor by the door to her flat, having slid down the wall the second she'd gotten inside, before she found the strength to move to the bathroom and splash some water on her face. There, she'd looked into the mirror and her mousy brown hair reminded her of Remus' sandy brown, graying hair, and she'd dissolved into sobs once more, remembering the horrified look on his face and the way he'd called her Tonks.

It was with these thoughts that she found herself crying for what felt like the millionth time that night. She cried more than most infants, for Merlin's sake, yet she couldn't stop herself, not then. Not with her worst fear confirmed.

She thought she'd jump out of her skin when she heard a soft knock on the bathroom door. She hadn't heard anyone enter her flat and was beginning to panic when the intruder spoke.

"Tonks? Nymphadora?"

Remus' voice was tentative and extra-hoarse and only made her want to sob even harder.

"Dora, please let me in..."

He sounded almost vulnerable, she thought idly, trying to stop crying and failing. It even took Tonks a moment to realize he'd called her Dora. Not Tonks, _Dora_.

"I need to explain...I don't want you to misunderstand..."

She could almost picture his face, worried and tormented, pleading for her to open the door. But she was not ready to, not ready to face him, not ready to hear his 'explanation' or whatever he had to say.

"Dora? I'm not going to hurt you, I swear, I just have to explain...Dora, please!"

He was begging now, but nothing could change his reaction, his face, his words. He'd made his views perfectly clear.

"Dora..."

His tone was bordering on finality, but Tonks made no move to let him in - he'd hurt her enough.

"I'm coming in!"

Tonks made a sort of startled sound of protest but it was far too late. The door had opened and there, in the doorway, stood Remus Lupin. When he found her huddled on the floor his face broke.

Tonks felt slightly disconcerted by his lack of stoicism - he was never this open, never this expressive. His face was not controlled, or calm, or collected; it was raw, open, and hurt.

"Oh, Merlin, Dora...I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He gasped, falling to his knees, sitting there with her on the cold, tiled floor.

His words barely reached her ears before Tonks' despair was replaced by anger, and she found herself glaring at him. "Sorry for reacting the way you did or sorry that I'm no longer _pure_?" She heard herself spit in a surprisingly even and venomous voice.

He looked as if he'd been slapped. "No, you don't understand! When you told me..." His voice trailed off, and a part of Tonks was glad to see him lose his cool confidence and instead be stuttering, searching for the right words. "It's my fault, all of it, and I just - you're so perfect, so incredible, and I never wanted anything to happen to you-"

"Well it's too late for that, isn't it?" She responded fiercely, completely unaware as to why she was so furious or where her strength was coming from. He'd hurt her, that much she knew. She wanted him to hurt like she did.

His face told her she'd succeeded. The hurt was evident as he whispered, "Dora, please-"

"It's Tonks." She spat.

He looked crushed. "Tonks...when you told me what happened I wasn't upset because you were 'no longer pure' or anything like that." He said quickly and desperately.

"I was upset because I'd sworn - to Sirius and to myself - that I'd protect you. I'd sworn I'd never let anything happen to you, and then we go there and you captivate me and I let my guard down and - and don't you see? It's all my fault!" He said, sounding completely vulnerable and pained.

He took an unsteady breath and kept talking, seeming to know he had to take her stunned silence for granted while it lasted. "I should've never let that happen to you, I should've stopped them earlier and gotten to you sooner, I should've been there when you needed me and I wasn't! I wasn't there for you, you see? It's all my fault, I've caused you all this pain-"

Tonks finally found her voice and managed to choke out, "It's not your fault, Remus. It's _his _fault."

He shook his head vigorously. "No, Dora, I should've protected you, like I said I would. I should've been there when you needed me. And then I just left you, last night...I shouldn't have done that, either."

Tonks felt herself soften at his expression, the shame he felt in his actions clear. "I pushed you away." She admitted hoarsely, feebly.

He shook his head. "I shouldn't have let you. I knew something was wrong, but a part of me wanted to believe you were just in shock, and I didn't know what to do, because you kept telling me you wanted me to leave, to respect your wishes. And I did, but I shouldn't have done, it was so stupid of me-"

Now it was Tonks' turn to shake her head. "I shouldn't have made you leave. I shouldn't have been so-so awful. I needed you. But I had to be alone, I had to be okay. I couldn't-couldn't bear to feel so..._dirty_." The last word was barely a whisper, but she knew he'd heard by the way he looked at her.

And it was too much, again, and she dissolved into sobs once more, fighting to take steadying breaths and failing to calm herself down. Tonks started when she felt Remus' arm rest on her shoulders but she didn't pull away. He paused, seeming to make sure it was okay with her, before slipping his other arm beneath her knees and suddenly she was being carried out of the bathroom and into the living room.

Tonks sniffed and accepted the handkerchief Remus offered her after he'd set her down on a sofa. She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. She wasn't quite brave enough to meet his eyes so she looked down, but he knelt in front of her, dipping his own head to match her gaze.

He didn't say anything at first, just met her gaze unflinchingly. In his eyes Tonks saw nothing but compassion. There was no disgust, no anger, nothing she'd feared she'd find. Instead, his eyes were soft, concerned, caring. There was pain, too - but it seemed pain on her behalf, worry for her.

His gaze helped still her sobs, helped lessen the weight on her. He wasn't disgusted, he couldn't be and still look at her like he was. Tonks felt her breathing even a bit, and though tears were still flowing down her face, she was calm enough to hear every soft word Remus spoke.

"Dora," he started, eyes searching her own, "don't ever think you're dirty. Not for a second." His voice was barely above a whisper and yet it was strong, firm.

Tonks felt herself begin to shake, her tears flowing faster at his earnestness, his tenderness. This didn't escape him, for he began reaching for her before stopping, hesitating, as if afraid she'd push him away again. But Tonks, finally, was calm, and wanted his comfort, and so she disentangled one arm from around her knees to grasp his hand and tug him towards the seat next to her. When he sat and hesitated once more, one arm hovering above her shoulders, she leaned into him, pressing her face into his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist, holding onto his shirt.

She felt Remus sigh, perhaps in relief, and his arms came around her, firmly. He held her tightly but gently, rubbing her back as she cried into his chest.

"Dora, it's okay, you're not dirty...shh..." He murmured, arms tightening around her, head resting against her own. Tonks could only shake her head, but he continued to whisper soft reassurances into her hair, rubbing her back soothingly.

Tonks, for her part, started to finally relax her tensed muscles as she breathed in his scent and allowed the faint sound of his heartbeat and rhythmic breathing to calm her. She felt almost tired as they sat there, for what seemed like ages, in a relatively comfortable silence, until he spoke again.

"Why didn't you want to tell me?" His tone was not accusing or harsh but gentle, curious.

Tonks took a shuddering breath and let it out, moving away from him to look into his still caring eyes. "I-I couldn't, Remus. Not after everything, not after what _he_'d done. I didn't-I didn't want you to see me that way." She admitted quietly.

"See you what way?" He asked gently, gaze intent on her face.

"See me dirty...broken...weak. I just - I feel as if I'll never be able to wash the feeling away. I feel like I'll never be clean again. I'll never not feel _his_ hands on me and-and I don't think I'll be like I was - like I used to be." She spluttered, pushing her face back into his chest to avoid his eyes.

Tonks felt Remus' grip on her tighten, if that was possible, and he said, "I'm here, Dora. I don't know what else I can do, what else I can say, but I'm here, okay?"

Tonks nodded, savoring the warmth and almost-security he provided. But even though she tried, really tried, to let go of the tight feeling still in her stomach, she couldn't.

"I'm scared, Remus." She whispered eventually.

"Of what?" He murmured, pulling away to meet her eyes.

"I'm scared that-that I'll always be afraid to be touched now, that I'll never feel clean again. I'm scared of always feeling scared. And-" Tonks faltered, not sure if she could voice her deepest fear yet.

But Remus wasn't content for her to stop there, and he gently prompted, "And what, Dora?"

Tonks paused, pulling further back from Remus, sitting up and putting her face into her hands, trying to gather the strength to say what had been bothering her most since it had happened, since Avery had said it himself. The seconds stretched on, but Remus waited, patiently, until she finally took a deep breath and admitted, "I'm scared that-that nobody will want me, not now, not after this."

She didn't dare move her head from her arms for fear of seeing his face, and she fidgeted, nervous, exposed, but she didn't have to wait long for his response.

"Don't think that." He said quickly, steadfastly, standing to move in front of her and meet her eyes once more.

"But...but how could they? How could they, Remus?" She asked, her voice rising and shaking, standing up as well and meeting his eyes frantically. "I'm not 'clean' anymore, I'm not-not how I used to be, not so trusting or bubbly, and I'm-I'm _scarred._ Nobody would want-"

"Don't say that, Dora. Never say that." He interrupted, voice raised only so she'd hear him through her distraught rant.

Tonks shook her head vigorously, refusing to be calmed down, voice lurching and sticking around tears. She felt cold without his arms around her. "No, they won't, not anymore. Nobody could still want me after this-"

"I do." He interrupted her so softly and so quietly that she didn't register his words at first.

"And I - what?" Tonks stopped abruptly, eyes meeting his in surprise.

"I do." He repeated. "I still want you, Dora. This doesn't change that."

"You-you still-?" She stuttered, feeling suddenly foolish.

"Yes, I still want you." He said it even quieter this time, as if wondering if it was really the right thing to say. "I have since you first tripped over that umbrella stand all those months ago, and nothing can change that, especially not this."

Tonks blinked at him a second longer, wondering whether she'd heard him properly. When he smiled nervously at her she realized that he had, in fact, just said what she thought he had. A moment later she was throwing her arms around him.

"Oh, Remus..." She murmured, burying her face in his chest, feeling him wrap his arms around her as he so often did. "I'm sorry, I just - it hurt, it hurt so badly, and I'm afraid it'll never stop hurting, and I took it out on you, and I'm sorry."

"You've got nothing to feel sorry about, Dora." He murmured into her hair, resting his chin on the top of her head.

Tonks let out a shaky sigh, feeling the tears finally start to dry up. She almost smiled when she felt Remus press a light kiss to the top of her head.

"What can I do, Dora?" He asked softly. "Tell me what I can do to help you."

"You're already doing it." She told him honestly, in a voice muffled by his shirt, before feeling her smile fade.

It was true, she was feeling better than she since it had happened, and yet the thought of him letting go of her made her feel as though he was what was holding her together, and if he stopped, she'd be back in pieces once more.

"Just don't-don't let me go." She whispered, feeling his arms tighten almost imperceptibly around her.

"I won't." He promised.

"Stay with me?" She asked, slightly hopeful, slightly nervous.

Remus began to rub her back once more as he responded, "Until you ask me not to."

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><p><em>AN: Thanks for reading! _

_I was very unsure of this chapter; I don't really see Remus as an angry person, but at the same time I think that he'd be furious on Tonks' behalf (and we do catch a glimpse of a bit of a temper in DH and various breaks in stoicism throughout the series). I was also a bit unsure of their interactions; Tonks is very vulnerable in front of Remus, and I think it'd be hard for her, which is why she comes off as harsh at the beginning. _

_Anyway, comforting Remus is finally here, and here to stay (there's a lot more of him next chapter)! How'd you like him? Did he put Remus back in your good books?_

_There's only one chapter left and it should be up soon! _


	8. Chapter 8: In His Arms

_A/N: This is the last chapter of If You Fall._

_Thank you so much to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited, and subscribed to this story. I could not have done it without each and every one of you! (I know I sound like a politician, but I mean every word.)_

_Also, here is your fluff warning: this chapter contains lots of fluff (by my standards, anyway)! I felt, after everything they've been through, that Remus and Tonks deserved some happy/shamelessly sappy moments._

_This chapter is dedicated to Hannah, Fanfiction fan, Strawberry Fields, and another anonymous reviewer who did not put in a user name but who I am grateful for nonetheless. Thank you all for your wonderful reviews on chapter 7!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 8 - In His Arms<strong>

"Until you ask me not to." Remus Lupin responded, beginning to rub Nymphadora Tonks' back once more.

Tonks sighed contentedly and let out a watery chuckle as Remus sat back on the couch without letting go of her, causing her to stumble. He kept a firm grip on her, however, and didn't let her trip as he guided her to the spot next to him, where he kept his arms wrapped securely around her.

"I told you I'd catch you." He teased, and Tonks smiled. It felt surreal to be smiling, and yet she felt as if, after admitting everything to Remus, a giant weight was off her shoulders.

He ran one hand absentmindedly through her hair, and she held his other with both of hers, drawing meaningless patterns onto his wrist as she felt herself slowly relax for the first time since the previous night.

Something about Remus was putting her at ease and she relished it. She wondered, idly, if this meant that they were together now, or if it meant anything at all. He'd admitted his feelings for her, and she'd - what had she done? She hadn't really said anything, she guessed, but she'd made herself clear, hadn't she? Should she ask him? She felt inexperienced and foolish all of a sudden.

But her lack of complete relaxation went deeper than that. A part of her was still not completely calm, and it was not just because she didn't know if she could call Remus her boyfriend.

Tonks forced herself to think about what it was that was bothering her. She no longer felt as though she'd been lying, as she'd told Remus the truth. She didn't feel bad for snapping at him, as he'd forgiven her. She wasn't afraid of what he'd think of her, as he'd made it clear he didn't care. She didn't feel unclean, not really...but there it was, that little doubt still in her mind.

She didn't necessarily feel dirty, but she didn't feel completely whole yet, either. She could still recall how _his _hands had touched her, how _his _breath had felt, how _his _lips had tasted.

But that was it, then, wasn't it? She remembered all too vividly the way _he _had felt, the way _he'_d kissed her. _He_ was the last person to do so. It seemed clear what the problem was.

Without giving herself a chance to lose nerve, Tonks sat up, causing Remus to frown at her. She just smiled slowly at him, gently framing his face with one of her hands. His eyes widened, and she could sense him looking into her own for some sort of explanation, but she didn't let herself think too much. Instead, she leaned towards him, gaze darting toward his lips, only to be mortified when he quickly, yet gently, placed one of his own hands on her shoulder to stop her.

"Dora..." He murmured slightly hoarsely, slightly tentatively. His brow furrowed in confusion as his eyes searched her face, not seeming to find the response - or perhaps explanation - he was looking for. "What're you doing?"

He didn't sound upset with her, or condescending, as if he didn't want her to do what she had been about to, but Tonks felt herself flush a dark red with pure embarrassment as she realized how poorly she'd thought her actions through. He'd said he wanted to be with her, sure, but what if he was just being nice, trying to comfort her? Did he really want her the way she wanted him, the way he seemed to have wanted her the night before, or was he trying to make her feel better?

A part of her knew it was ridiculous to assume that he hadn't been genuine when he'd said what'd happened hadn't changed anything, but what other conclusion could she draw? She'd been trying to kiss him, he must've known that, and he'd stopped her. What alternative was there? She was horrified, embarrassed, ashamed - she couldn't bring herself to look at him in her mortification.

"I - I thought you wanted..." She muttered, quickly moving away from him and trying to recover at least a little composure. Instead, her voice revealed her hurt, her insecurity.

"I do." He said quickly, seeming to be willing her to meet his eyes. "Dora, I do, I just - not like this."

The words hit her hard. _Not like this. _

"I thought-I thought you said this didn't change anything." Tonks whispered, feeling the tears she'd finally conquered coming back. She felt betrayed, hurt, and she stood up on shaking legs, ready to leave the room.

Before she could take more than one wobbly step, however, he stood as well and gently held her back. "That's not what I meant, Dora, I swear." He said, voice containing a note of desperation. "I mean - I just meant I don't want you to rush into this because you're feeling vulnerable. What-what I mean to say is, I'll still want to be with you tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. I want _you _to be ready." He finished a bit quietly, not quite meeting her eyes and releasing her arm in favor of placing both of his at his sides.

Tonks felt intensely relieved as he stuttered out a response that told her he was protecting her, worried for her, not taking pity on her. She was able to meet his eyes again as she told him, "But I _am _ready, Remus."

But to Tonks' dismay, Remus continued to look uncomfortable. He glanced at her briefly before returning his gaze to his toes. He was defensive, guarded, insecure. It was written all over him, the discomfort, but she had no idea what he was shy about.

After a long moment, during which he seemed to look for the words he needed to say, or just the will to say them, he murmured, "It's just - I don't want you to, sometime in the future, regret this. I don't want you to, later, regret _me_."

Tonks gaped. "Remus, how could I regret you? I've-I've wanted to kiss you for ages!" She blushed when she heard her own words, blurted and tactless as ever, but she would not take them back; she was so incredulous at his insecurities that she was willing to embarrass herself to set him straight.

Remus smiled slightly but still didn't quite meet her eyes. "I care too much about you to kiss you once because you're feeling bad, because you've convinced yourself that you want to kiss me. That wouldn't be fair to either of us."

Tonks blinked, finally catching onto the extent of what he was saying. It wasn't just her he was protecting - it was himself, too. Without that knowledge, she might've been affronted at his insinuation - that she didn't quite know what she was doing - but as it was, she recognized that he was afraid she was using him because he was available, because he was what she had.

"I'm not doing this because you happen to be here, you know." She told him, voice strong and level as she looked into his eyes and took a tentative step towards him. "I'm not doing this because I have some half-assed, purely physical crush on you." She continued, sounding a bit petulant but not minding when, at her tone, he raised his head to look into her eyes.

Remus' mouth was slightly open as he met her gaze, and he looked as though he was about to correct her, but he didn't interrupt her when he saw her eyes, which Tonks guessed probably let on to the fact that she was about to tell him something very personal.

"I'm doing this because I fancy you, and I have for ages, and because-" Tonks took a deep breath as her voice faltered, willing herself to continue even though she had to shut her eyes to do so. "-because I can still feel _his _hands on me, Remus. I can still feel _his _touch. And that's what I've felt since it happened, and I just - I wanted to feel something else. I wanted to be sure I _could _feel something else, if we were to-to be together."

Despite her shaking voice, the crack in it at the end, and the tears, she plowed on, knowing she needed him to understand. "I care about you, and I'm afraid that-that I won't be able to. I'm afraid it'll always feel like this, like I'll never feel good again. And I thought-I thought maybe _you_ could-could help me feel better." She finished weakly, almost childishly, in an attempt to justify her actions. She wondered if she'd made any sense at all.

When it was quiet and she looked up to gauge his reaction, it was apparent that she had. Remus, who'd moved closer during her speech and was now quite close, was looking at her tenderly, sympathetically, softly. "Dora, of course you'll feel good again." He told her, his voice sounding scratchy. "Of course you will."

Relief flooded through her as Tonks realized he understood, and she let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding when he hesitantly placed a hand on the side of her face. Just as before, he looked into her eyes, showing her that he meant what he said. He wasn't guarded, as she feared he'd be, and the look he was giving her made her feel foolish for ever considering that he _wasn't_ genuine in his feelings for her.

Tonks knew the care and desire in his eyes were reflected in her own as she confidently and honestly told him, "I won't regret this, Remus."

He looked unconvinced. "Dora..." He started, but she cut him off.

"Please. I need to know I won't always feel like this."

She met his gaze and felt his eyes searching her for a sign of hesitation, reluctance, anything...and she knew he wouldn't find it. She, meanwhile, searched his eyes and saw conflict, hesitation...but if his words were true it was because he was afraid _she'd _regret it, not the other way around.

With that in mind, Tonks leaned up very, very slowly and pressed her lips to his. For a brief, agonizing moment she thought Remus wasn't going to respond, but then he very carefully began to kiss her back, softly, _tenderly. _Tonks felt his other arm move to her waist, and the hand cupping the side of her face slid to the nape of her neck and entangled itself in her hair. Tonks pressed herself closer to him in turn, wrapping her arms securely around his neck.

Tonks deepened the kiss and Remus responded sweetly, gently, as if afraid he'd hurt her. But as Tonks surrendered herself to the thrill of emotions running through her body, she felt none of the urgency or violence she'd felt when _he'_d kissed her. There was no pain, no disgust, and she thought, idly, that it also had something to do with the fact that Remus wasn't kissing her, _they _were kissing, and it made all the difference in the world.

When Remus pulled away from her a few moments later and rested his forehead on hers for a moment, looking into her eyes as if to ensure that she was okay, Tonks sighed contentedly and grinned at him, feeling lighter than she had in months.

"Oh, Dora." Remus sighed as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. He laughed a bit as she pressed her face into his neck and then murmured, "You're pink again, by the way."

Confused, she looked up at him, until he indicated her head with his chin. "Oh!" She exclaimed in surprise. She hadn't felt herself morph and, more importantly, hadn't felt pain while doing it. It seemed her powers were back.

Tonks' smile widened even more when she heard Remus chuckle as she tested her morphing abilities and tried a few different hair colors, all of which worked without pain. She decided it was too soon to try to morph over the scar and left it, not wanting to bring it up with Remus again. Should she fail to morph over it, she knew she'd have a break down, and she didn't want him to see that, not after how many times he had over the past few hours alone.

As Remus tightened his arms around her and Tonks pressed her face back into his neck, she felt absurdly lucky once more. What she'd done to deserve his care she had no idea, but she was immensely glad she'd done whatever it was. He'd put up with her through the darkest time of her life thus far and he'd barely batted an eyelash while doing it.

"I love you, Remus." She exhaled suddenly. The words tumbled out of her mouth before she realized she was saying them, but as she said them she realized just how true they were.

Of course she loved him. She'd loved him for a while, really, but she was sure now. Everything about him was perfection; his chaste, tender kisses; his warm, soothing hugs; his quiet, thoughtful advice; and his fun, witty side. Yes, she'd loved him for a while, but now she was sure and she smiled as she realized it.

She looked up at Remus after a moment to find him looking tense. "Before you tell me it's because I'm hurting or something, I really do. I think I've loved you for quite some time now, but I wasn't sure, not until tonight. But now I am sure. I love you." Tonks smiled a bit as she said it, stifling the most bizarre urge to giggle, because Nymphadora Tonks did _not _giggle. But now, now that she was in love-

She frowned, pulling back from his suddenly stiff embrace, realizing that Remus had yet to say anything. She studied his face for a moment, but his wall was back up - he was unreadable.

It terrified her.

"Remus...say something." She pleaded, feeling suddenly very, very scared.

"Dora - I - you _love_ me?" He stuttered.

"I believe I just said so." She murmured apprehensively. "And now would be the opportune moment to tell me you love me back."

He blinked at her, looking confused. And Remus Lupin was rarely, if ever, confused. "Nymphadora - I'm - you're-"

"What?" She asked numbly, wondering how she'd managed to screw something so wonderful up so quickly.

"You love me." He stated, slowly, as if speaking a foreign language. He wasn't looking at her, and his brow was furrowed, as if he was deep in thought. The only thing keeping Tonks calm was the fact that he didn't seem to be trying to find a way to reject her - he just didn't seem to be able to _understand _her.

"Yes." She said clearly, wondering just how right Sirius had been the day before in the kitchen.

_He doesn't think anyone could think of him in that way because of his furry little problem, _he'd said, and she hadn't completely taken it to heart. Was he really so unaware of his lovability?

"As in..." He started, finally looking at her yet seeming no less confused.

_Or maybe afraid to let himself hope, _Tonks reminded herself.

"As in completely, utterly, madly, in love with you, yeah." She said, smiling a bit as a slow, unsure grin began to form on his face.

"You love me." He said again, but this time it wasn't so much of a question as an exclamation, and the smile hadn't stopped growing. He wasn't just smiling - he was _beaming. _

"Yeah." Tonks said, relief and another, less-definable warm feeling flowing through her veins. She felt a smile on her face growing to match his as she teased, "You gonna say it back, or what?"

He was completely different as he took her face in both hands; he didn't falter, didn't hesitate, wasn't nearly as unsure of himself. He looked happier than she'd ever seen him when, just before kissing her again, he said, clearly and firmly, "I love you, Nymphadora."

Tonks smiled against his lips even as he was kissing her, unable to stop as she was so unbelievably happy in the moment. The kiss was brief, chaste, almost a peck, and yet when he pulled away and kissed her forehead lingeringly Tonks marveled at the fact that he was so perfect at everything he did.

When Remus moved his head away from hers so Tonks could lean into his embrace, Tonks basked in the warm, peaceful, _exultant_ feeling she'd just gained. Remus seemed to be similarly dazed by his own happiness, and Tonks felt slightly foolish for being unable to keep from beaming when Remus rested his head on hers.

As Tonks felt her eyelids grow heavy and her eyes drift shut, she saw nothing but Remus in her mind's eye, his own eyes sparkling in happiness, a goofy grin on his face, his lips forming the words, _I love you, Nymphadora. _And so she stood, in his arms, neither of them speaking because neither of them needed to.

Eventually, the still, content silence of the moment passed as a bright white hen appeared and, in Molly Weasley's voice, said, "_Let us know you're safe when you can, dears._"

Leaning reluctantly and groggily out of his embrace, Tonks blinked a few times and watched the silvery white hen disappear as Remus softly said, "We don't have to go back if you don't feel up to it."

She looked into his face, her joy at him saying _we _being quickly replaced with shame for not being up to Bill's birthday. "But I said I'd be there." She muttered guiltily.

"Nobody expects that of you, they all know we were attacked." He reassured her.

Tonks shook her head. "But Molly said Sirius is worried, and I should-I should tell him." She finished with a whisper, the thought painful to her.

"Yes, you should." Remus agreed softly, brushing some hair out of Tonks' face. "But you don't have to tonight. There's nothing wrong with waiting until you feel up to it."

She sighed, feeling immensely grateful to him for being so understanding. "You think so?"

"Of course." He responded firmly. "You've been through enough in the past 24 hours."

The past 24 hours felt years long to Tonks - as if she'd been in the alleyway weeks ago, not hours ago. And though she'd slept most of the day, she felt her eyelids growing heavy as she was finally able to relax her muscles, now that she was in Remus' embrace. She shifted slightly to rest her head on Remus' shoulder once more, grateful for his firm hold on her, his understanding, and after a few more blissfully calm moments she felt herself yawn.

"Bedtime, I think." She heard Remus say, voice full of amusement.

Tonks immediately stiffened. _Bedtime? _

It wasn't as though she thought he meant anything that wasn't entirely innocent by it, but the words caught her off-guard and she was suddenly unsure of everything.

She shook her head at herself took a step away from him, trying to hide her uncertainty, just as he continued, "I'll wait for you to go to sleep before I leave."

"Leave?" She heard herself ask dumbly.

"Yes." He nodded, explaining, "I told Molly I'd be back."

Tonks felt her insides plummet and quietly, tentatively said, "Oh."

The thought of being alone again, even in her flat, though she knew it was safe, was not a pleasant one. But she felt embarrassed, because she couldn't honestly expect Remus to watch over her like a child.

As the embarrassment rose, she shifted to look at her feet, only to have Remus reach out and gently tip her chin up, forcing her to meet his gaze.

"Dora?" He breathed.

Tonks closed her eyes and shook her head slightly, feeling dumb for being so needy.

"What's wrong?" She heard Remus ask, voice still gentle and concerned.

Tonks sighed. She and Remus were together now, weren't they? She should open up to him, tell him the truth. He deserved it. She slowly opened her eyes to look at him and admitted, "I just - I feel safe with you here. I don't want to be alone."

His expression softened and he said, in a slightly apologetic tone, "Grimmauld Place would mean running into Sirius, no doubt, and I didn't think you wanted to go back to the Burrow, but if you want to-"

"No." Tonks interrupted, feeling her face flush. "I meant - would you stay with me?"

Remus watched her intently, searching her eyes with his, contemplating her request, no doubt. Tonks tried not to fidget or assume he'd misunderstood her until he eventually breathed, "Okay."

Visibly relaxing, Tonks gave him a bashful smile and said, equally quietly, "Thank you. For everything."

"There's no need to thank me." He responded, smiling reassuringly at her. "Go change, I'll sleep on the couch."

She was relieved that he understood what she wanted - she just needed to know he was close by. So she nodded and turned and went to her room, pulling off her robes and jeans and putting on a pair of sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt. She knew her outfit was far from flattering, yet she felt comfortable in it and that was what mattered.

When Tonks returned to the living room with a blanket for Remus, she saw he'd transfigured her sofa to fit his height and removed his shoes. He smiled softly at her as she walked back towards him before she stopped a metre or so away, feeling awkward as she placed the blanket on the sofa and contemplated what to do next. She had no idea what to say to someone in this situation; she'd never been in one like it before.

Remus, the saint, murmured, "I sent Molly a patronus so she won't worry, and I told her you'd stop by to see her tomorrow."

Tonks smiled shyly as she said, "Okay."

Remus turned slightly serious, and, in a soft yet steadfast tone said, "I'll be right here, okay?"

Unable to find words to express her gratitude, Tonks hesitated slightly and then closed the distance between her and Remus and wrapped her arms around him.

Remus returned her embrace gently, murmuring, "It'll be okay."

"I know." Tonks surprised herself by saying. "I've got you."

Remus pulled back from her to look into her face and she met his gaze confidently, showing him she meant what she said, however cheesy it was. He smiled at her, almost tentatively, before pressing the softest of kisses against her lips, so she could barely feel it.

Then he pulled back slightly, pressing another kiss to her forehead as he whispered, "Goodnight, Dora."

Tonks suppressed the urge to sigh pathetically and instead responded with her own soft, "'Night, Remus."

Then she turned, slowly releasing him, and walked back to her bedroom, leaving the door cracked, as if to remind herself he was there. When she'd settled under her comforter and blankets, still feeling warm from his kiss, she closed her heavy eyelids, drifting off to sleep with a smile still on her face.

_She was in her bedroom, but not alone. She was being pressed into her mattress by Remus, whose hands were gently yet persistently making their way under her shirt, drawing patterns on her ribs...his lips met hers passionately, and Tonks was squirming under him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and running her hands through his hair, pulling him closer to her, tangling their legs and the sheets..._

_ And then he was pulling back from her, but only to rid her of her shirt, and his eyes were full of desire and she was loving the feeling of his legs entwined with hers. The second her shirt was gone she was pulling his off, burning with need to feel his chest, his flesh, pressed against her own, but then she lowered his shirt and her arms and he saw it - the scar. _

_ He stopped abruptly, eyes turning from passionate to disgusted. _

_ "Whore." He read, and once again it was not his voice but Avery's filling her ears. _

Tonks felt herself whimpering and tossing and turning in her bed before she became fully conscious, before she was aware of a pair of warm, strong arms wrapping themselves around her and pressing her into a chest. Remus' chest.

"Dora! Dora, stop! Stop fighting me! It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you, it was just a dream..." Remus was saying as he held her to him, despite the fact that she was still struggling.

"It's all right, Dora, it's all right, it was just a dream." He was saying, rocking her back and forth as Molly had done that morning.

As she slowly became aware of her surroundings, Tonks felt her whimpers dissolve into sobs. It was the middle of the night, and she felt hot with sweat, though she'd thrown her covers off in her sleep. She was in her own bed, just as in the dream, but this time Remus was holding her, soothing her, and it _had _just been a dream, a terrible dream.

"Shh...it's okay, Dora, it was just a nightmare." She heard him saying as he rubbed her back, still rocking her slightly, pressing a soft kiss into her hair. "It was just a nightmare."

Tonks took a steadying breath, reminding herself that it was a dream and not reality. It was over. She slowly became aware that she was clutching very tightly onto Remus' shit with white-knuckled fists.

His heart was hammering in his chest and she realized she must've given him a heart attack when he'd heard her distress in the middle of the night, but now he was just rubbing her back, whispering to her soothingly, pressing soft kisses into her hair.

Taking a few deep breaths, Tonks pulled away from Remus to look into his eyes, feeling her own rapid heartbeat beginning to return to normal as she met his sympathetic and worried gaze. "I'm sorry, Remus." She whispered.

"Don't apologize." He responded equally quietly, not removing his arms from around her, seeming relieved that she'd woken up and realized she'd just been dreaming.

Tears streaked Tonks' face as she said, "I just - he said you w-wouldn't want me anymore, and I close my eyes and I'm back where I was and you're not coming, or else you are, but you're-you're disgusted by me."

She choked on the last words only to feel Remus' arms tighten around her. "I could never be disgusted by you." He told her almost sternly.

"I know, I know." She admitted, telling the truth. Now that she was awake it felt absurd. The way he looked at her, the way he kissed her, the way he told her he loved her...Tonks knew he wasn't disgusted by her.

"But it felt so real." She whispered to herself.

"It wasn't." Remus said, still holding her. "It never will be."

Tonks felt her eyelids grow heavy once more as she leaned into Remus' chest, letting his heartbeat and breathing calm her as it so often did. Remus stopped rubbing her back and began to stroke her hair, pushing some strands that'd become stuck to her face out of her eyes.

"Do you think you could go back to sleep?" He asked her softly.

Stiffening at the thought of him leaving her again and having another nightmare, Tonks shyly asked, "Just-just stay here, okay, Remus?"

He pulled away to look into her eyes for a long moment before leaning forward and kissing her tears away. Then, he rested his forehead against hers and once again breathed, "Okay."

He carefully laid down and pulled the covers over them, never once releasing her from his embrace. Tonks relaxed, feeling the tension desert her body as Remus pulled her close and held her.

She rested her head in the crook of his neck, pressing her forehead to his throat before whispering, "I love you."

She heard and felt him sigh as he turned to press a kiss to the top of her head and responded, "And I, you."

Tonks smiled tiredly, dazedly, as she felt herself drift back to sleep, confident that, in Remus' arms, the nightmares wouldn't return and she'd finally be able to feel safe and loved again.

She knew that if Sirius were there he'd be laughing at the irony of it all: that she finally felt secure in the arms of a werewolf.

But it didn't matter. None of it mattered.

It didn't matter that they'd missed Bill's birthday dinner, that they'd have to explain what'd happened to people later, that she'd have to tell her mum one day, or Sirius, or maybe even Dumbledore.

It didn't matter that she'd probably have to_ learn_ to be intimate without being scared, to deal with nightmares, moments of insecurity, the scar, and the memory of what'd happened to her.

It didn't matter that she'd have good days and bad days, days when she needed extra reassurance and days when she'd lean on Remus more than she'd like.

It didn't even matter that there was a war going on, that somewhere a growing evil existed and that one day, perhaps in the near future, she'd have to fight for a future.

All that truly mattered was that there, in that moment, in his arms, of all places, she finally felt truly safe.

* * *

><p><em>AN: FIN! _

_Another huge thank you to everyone, reader, reviewer, or otherwise! And extra thanks to IsThisLove394 and LupinxTonks4ever, who supported me through every chapter, doubt, and draft of this story. I wouldn't have made it half this far without them!_

_And, of course, another super, über, spectacularly massive thank you to my beta, without whom none of this would ever have been posted (or even written, probably). I like to tell myself that I've made up for all the support, midnight editing, and last minute reassurances by taking her to Radiohead, but I know I'll never be able to completely make it up to her so all I can really do is say thank you!_

_Anyway, reviews mean the world to me, as always. What was your favorite part of the story? Favorite line? Moment? Least favorite? Was the ending too abrupt? Any final comments?_

_Thank you again for reading, it really means more to me than I can say!_


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